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Christian Comedian John Crist Goes Viral Again, This Time with Hilarious Roast of 1-Star Church Reviews

04-18-2018

Consumers typically turn to Google's "review" feature to rate restaurants, businesses and other places they've visited.

Much to the surprise of comedian John Crist, churches are also being reviewed – worship services rated on a scale of 1 to 5.

"I feel like I do a considerable amount of roasting of church and Christian culture, but honestly, sometimes Church needs to be defended," Crist said in a Facebook video. "These reviews… I'm already mad."

Crist then goes on to read out some of the most outrageous one-star reviews.

Here's a look at some of the funniest reviews and Crist's roast of each over-the-top complaint: 

1. "Just got bored quick. Worship was not great and the message was too monotone and screamy for me."

"You know what the opposite of monotone is? Screamy," said Crist. "It's like saying 'turn the music down I can't hear well!'"

2. "Four stars instead of five because there was no worship after the sermon."

"You know in China it's illegal to go to church and you've go to walk miles in secret?" the comedian responded. "Tell us more though, tell us more."

3. "The worship leader looked like he just got done mowing the yard."

"I've seen a lot of worship leaders in my day — I can't say the man's wrong!" Crist said laughing.

4. "Hubby, daughter and I attended, absolutely loved the service from baptism to communion. My family will be back."

"One star. Yeah, that's not how the star system works," Crist retorted.

And finally, Crist saved the best for last.

5. "One star. Panini's were terrible."

"This guy gets the point, he understands the real meaning of church," Crist says.

Crist has one final message for his viewers: 

"I can't wait for some of y'all to go to Heaven and run into someone from like the First Century church:

'Oh, what are you up to?' 

'I gave my church three stars, I just, I wasn't satisfied.'

'Oh tell me more. What happened the last time I went to my church in Ephesus? Yeah, it was in the middle of worship and a bunch of Roman guards came in and arrested everyone for being Christian and took us to jail. But tell us more about how the seats weren't cushioned properly.'" 

 

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