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Grandson of Billy Graham Admits He Was Close to Committing Suicide

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The grandson of evangelist Billy Graham, Tullian Tchividjian, has revealed that he was close to committing suicide after the revelation of an affair, divorce and the loss of his job.

The former megachurch pastor shared that struggle in an article on expastors.com.

"As one of my counselors told me early on, circumstances don't create the condition of the heart," Tchividjian wrote. "Rather, circumstances reveal the condition of the heart. And what was revealed to me about my heart in the fiery hotness of dire circumstances was scary and destructive."

"How did I get to this point of total desperation? How did I arrive at that dark place where I actually wanted to kill myself?" Tchividjian asked. "What I see now that I couldn't see then is that this explosion had been building for a few years."

"The shift from locating my identity in the message of the Gospel to locating my identity in my success as a messenger of the Gospel was slow and subtle," he continued. "It came on like the slow creep of the tide rather than a sudden tidal wave."

"I painfully learned that the more you anchor your identity and sense of worth in something or someone smaller than God, the more pain you will experience when you lose it all," he said.

Tchividjian resigned from his position as senior pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida in June 2015 after he and his wife both admitted to having affairs. He then filed for divorce in August of last year.

Willow Creek Presbyterian Church in Winter Springs, Florida, hired Tchividjian as the congregation's director of ministry development last September. The church's senior pastor, Kevin Labby, said the position did not entail pastoral or teaching responsibilities. Labby referred to Tchividjian's "contrition" as one reason the church hired him.

Then in March, Willow Creek Presbyterian removed Tchividjian from ministry over "previously undisclosed failures," according to Religion News Service.

Christianity Today reported that same month that Tchividjian's past two churches said the pastor had another affair before the one that led to his resignation from Coral Ridge.

Tchividjian ended his recent article on a positive, redemptive note:

"So, whether you're a pastor or an ex-pastor or just a beat-up and burned out human, here's the good news: Who you really are has nothing to do with you -- how much you can accomplish, who you can become, what you've done or failed to do, the size of your church or the size of your sin, your behavior (good or bad), your strengths, your weaknesses, your family background, your education, your looks and so on," he wrote.

"Your identity is firmly anchored in Christ's accomplishment, not yours; his strength, not yours; his performance, not yours; his victory, not yours," he continued.

"The Gospel doesn't just free you from what other people think about you; it frees you from what you think about yourself," he said. "This means that He is the light at the end of your dark tunnel. And He's not going anywhere."

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About The Author

Mark
Martin

Mark Martin currently serves as a reporter and anchor at CBN News, reporting on all kinds of issues, from military matters to alternative fuels. Mark has reported internationally in the Middle East. He traveled to Bahrain and covered stories on the aircraft carrier, the U.S.S. Dwight D. Eisenhower. Mark also anchors CBN News Midday on the CBN Newschannel and fills in on the anchor desk for CBN News' Newswatch and The 700 Club. Prior to CBN News, Mark worked at KFSM-TV, the CBS affiliate in Fort Smith, Arkansas. There he served as a weekend morning producer, before being promoted to general