Silent, uncontrollable sobbing ... Bruises and beatings ... Shoving and slapping ... Children so traumatized they're afraid of their own shadows. And the endless string of lies ... "He fell down." "It was an accident." But child abuse is no accident. It violates God's fundamental purpose for man. And parents and children around the world find themselves ensnared in its cruel clutches.
From Taboo to Truth
When people hear the term "child abuse" they may think it only occurs in under-educated, poverty-stricken families. However, this epidemic occurs in all types of families.
In America alone, reported cases of child abuse exceed 1 million each year, and some experts say the actual number of abuse victims may be far greater.
Types of child abuse include physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and neglect. Affected children often suffer physical injuries, emotional scars, malnutrition, and sadly, even death. Child abuse also spiritually cripples precious young lives. These children may struggle to accept God as their loving heavenly Father ( Matthew 18:5-6
"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf* is welcoming me. But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.
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). Other family members often suffer silently. Even the offender suffers, increasingly bound by the shame and secrecy of the addictive behavior.
But as many have already discovered, there is hope. The vicious cycle of abuse can be broken, especially as we present our wounds to the Gentle Healer, Jesus Christ.
What Drives the Sin of Abuse?
So what causes child abuse? Often, parents who abuse their children have been victims of abuse themselves. Driven by years of repressed hatred, these parents continue the cycle.
Sometimes even the most dedicated parents can momentarily lose control -- frustrated by a child's actions or simply overwhelmed by their own sense of failure or frustration. But an isolated incident or two, left unchecked, can become a destructive force, tearing apart a family.
God's View of Abuse
The Bible gives much practical advise on the subject of child-rearing. "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it," says the writer of Proverbs ( 22:6). Parents are clearly cautioned to take steps to correct foolishness which "is bound up in the heart of a child" ( Proverbs 22:15
A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away.
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).
Parental discipline is essential, but some parents view these Scriptures as giving absolute control over their children. This is not true. God's Word should never be used as a license for abuse. Parents need to discipline their children, but they must keep their own emotions and actions in check ( Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
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, Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.
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). In God's eyes there simply is no justification for abuse.
Finding Help
If you are trapped in the unrelenting cycle and sin of child abuse, don't leave this webpage until you have made a commitment before the Lord to break this destructive pattern. It won't be easy, but it could be a matter of life and death. Understand that you are not alone. Jesus knows you better that you could ever know yourself (see Psalm 139), and He is willing and able to help ( Hebrews 4:15-16
This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
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). But you need to ask for His grace to share honestly your struggle with a trusted brother or sister in Christ, or with your pastor. Follow these steps to get help.
1. Acknowledge the problem. To receive healing, admit that you have a problem. Once you've broken the silence and confessed your sin of abuse, God's grace and forgiveness can begin to restore you ( Psalms 32:3-7
When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Interlude Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt.I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the LORD." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. Interlude Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Interlude
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). 2. Acknowledge your weakness. Allow God to minister in your weakness, for in it He can make you strong ( 2 Cor. 12:9, Hebrews 1:32-34
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). 3. Take action. Pray with other believers and share your struggles, seeking the help of pastors, or other appropriate counselors ( Proverbs 15:22
Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.
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, James 5:16
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
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).
If You've Been Abused
If you have been the victim of abuse, you need to know that God has not abandoned you. He is "intimately acquainted" with all your ways ( Psalms 139:3
You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.
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). He knows your pain, and He has a plan for complete healing and restoration for your life. Consider these simple steps as you seek the Father's healing.
1. Face the abuse. The shame associated with abuse is unbearable. You can hide the pain for a season, but eventually, the wounds will surface. But take comfort, for God knows the horror that you have unjustly endured (see Psalm 139, Matthew 10:29-31
What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin*? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.
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). Ask God for the strength to face your nightmare of abuse.
2. Forgive and release. As difficult as it may sound, you need to begin by forgiving the perpetrator for his or her actions against you. It may seem impossible, but the consequences of unforgiveness can produce even further destruction ( 2 Samuel 13:23-29
Two years later, when Absalom's sheep were being sheared at Baal-hazor near Ephraim, Absalom invited all the king's sons to come to a feast. He went to the king and said, "My sheep-shearers are now at work. Would the king and his servants please come to celebrate the occasion with me?" The king replied, "No, my son. If we all came, we would be too much of a burden on you." Absalom pressed him, but the king would not come, though he gave Absalom his blessing. "Well, then," Absalom said, "if you can't come, how about sending my brother Amnon with us?" "Why Amnon?" the king asked. But Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let all his sons attend, including Amnon. So Absalom prepared a feast fit for a king.* Absalom told his men, "Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don't be afraid. I'm the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!" So at Absalom's signal they murdered Amnon. Then the other sons of the king jumped on their mules and fled.
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). Instead, ask God to give you the grace you need to forgive ( 1 Samuel 1:15-17
"Oh no, sir!" she replied. "I haven't been drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the LORD. Don't think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow." "In that case," Eli said, "go in peace! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him."
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, Psalms 42:3-4
Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, "Where is this God of yours?" My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be:I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God,singing for joy and giving thanks amid the sound of a great celebration!
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, Psalms 62:8
O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge. Interlude
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).
3. Seek shelter. If you are still in an abusive situation, immediately seek shelter. Consider turning to family members, your church family, or perhaps authorities if necessary. Ultimately, rest in God's shelter. Turn to His Word (the Psalms offer much encouragement for the downcast).
4. Move on. Once you have taken steps to forgive, ask God to help you pick up the pieces, and seek again the abundant life in Jesus that He has for you ( John 10:10
The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
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). Press on and leave the past to God ( Philippians 3:13-14
No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,* but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
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).
As You Pray
If your life has been devastated by child abuse, turn to Jesus right now, and, on bended knee, ask Him to take control of your life: "Dear Lord. I have never been confronted with a deeper, more urgent need than right now. Please minister to me and my family members in Your perfect love and compassion. Break the chains which bind us. And restore us to the joy of Your salvation as we receive forgiveness and healing in Christ Jesus. Amen."
God's Word on Child Abuse
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." ( Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord,* for this is the right thing to do. "Honor your father and mother." This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, "things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth."* Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
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)
Scriptures for Study
Matthew 18:5-6
"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf* is welcoming me. But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.
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, Mark 13-16 -- Jesus' attitude toward children
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
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, Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.
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-- Proper attitudes for parents
Psalms 32:3-7
When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Interlude Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt.I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the LORD." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. Interlude Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Interlude
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-- Acknowledging the problem
James 5:13-20
Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises. Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years! Then, when he prayed again, the sky sent down rain and the earth began to yield its crops. My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.
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-- The church and restoration
Hebrews 12:15
Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
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-- How to avoid bitterness
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