A Difficult Choice: Flesh or Faith?  

Growing up, Kris Olsen felt deeply rejected by her father.

“My dad never expressed a lot of emotion. If I ever tried to reach out to him, he would push me away, physically.  I felt rejected as a female. I felt rejected as just a human being and so, to me, I took things in as this is how men are.”

Her mother confirmed Kris’ feelings.  

"Don't trust men, they are no good. Get your own education. Make your own money. They'll just marry you and leave you.  I made a vow to never be married, and I made a vow to never open up my heart to my dad.”

In high school, Kris began looking for acceptance through female relationships.

“You know, my same sex attraction began with what I would call like emotional draw.  I would pick somebody who was pretty, popular, and had what I’d like to be, and I would start manipulating my way into their world.  But, the real need inside of me was to be around this person to feel like I had value, to feel like I was pretty, to feel like I was needed.”

Kris continued to struggle with same sex attraction throughout college, but she never acted on those feelings. Instead, she looked to her faith.

“And I just, you know, honestly, I felt like I didn't fully give my life completely utterly to the Lord till I was 33. But I feel like his hand was always on me. He was always with me.”

However, her spiritual resolve was tested when she entered the business world. It happened during her first company meeting.

“I looked across the room and I connected with my eyes with another woman, I was immediately attracted. And I could see she was, too.  And I heard the Lord clearly say to me in my heart, ‘this is trouble.’”  

Kris soon realized that in order to do her job, she needed to collaborate with the woman. The two began working together.

“And then we started just kind of hanging out after doing that a little bit and talking, and that progressed to kind of the weekends, and just out of all of that, I just, honestly I just fell madly I love with this woman.  I ended up being introduced to the world of lesbian behavior, sexuality, I was really starting to think, you know, I could marry this girl. I love her, why not?   And, you know, I could still have my relationship with God. Who would know?   I was beginning to become deceived by my sin.  

I knew in my heart that what I was doing and engaging in and thinking was wrong, what I was looking at was wrong. But I was starting to justify it.  I would often speak scripture to her when we were having a conversation.  We're sitting in my car one night, we're talking, we're having this conversation. I mentioned some scriptural, you know, thing to apply to it. And she just blew up, and she said, ‘shut up. I am so tired of hearing about Jesus. I want – I want nothing to do with him. I don't want to become a Christian, and if you want to keep seeing me and you don't want me to disappear and get out of this car and never see me again, you will never say his name again.’  And in that moment it was like – I felt this spiritual battle going on for me. And I was having a hard time deciding.  I mean, it was just a battle. and then I just heard God say, ‘choose. Choose.’”

Eventually, Kris made her choice.

“I didn't want to lose my relationship with God. I didn't want to have a place where I could not hear his voice or pray and feel like he's answering my prayers.  I chose Jesus. Because he is the better love. He is the more perfect love. He is the one that loves me the best. When I left that relationship, it was like that was it. I threw everything out, all the music, all the memorabilia, all the – anything that reminded me of her. I really cut it off. And I – like I said, began seeking the Lord, really wanting to be around him, wanting to be around the word of God, really seriously getting into prayer again, and really re-establishing a solid walk with Jesus, I repented of all of that, I don’t believe it and I don't behave in that fashion any longer.”

Kris has also been able to reconcile one other relationship.

“I am able to hug my father. I am able to give him a kiss, even if he's not really taking it in. It doesn't matter, I am able to express it, because I’ve forgiven him – fully.”

In 2009, Kris founded Coming Out Again an outreach that helps those struggling in unwanted homosexual, lesbian, or transgender behavior.  Kris continues to share her story to help others find true freedom and identity in Christ.

“I am so thankful for my deliverance, for my transformation, for God restoring my original gender intention, my original gender attractions. And just to be who he always intended for me to be. And the journey isn't over. I'm still on the journey. I don't know what he has ahead, but with Jesus it's always good, you know.”