High Conflict Couples Do Kid Damage

The weekend is here and mom and dad are at it again. It doesn’t seem to matter what they fight about, just that they constantly fight. Little Jill covers her ears. Billy runs under the table and tries to hide and Angie cries. Mom and Dad are screaming at each other and the kids are caught in the middle. They just want the fighting to stop.

The constant conflict is stressing the kids and taking a physical and emotional toll. Their heart rates beat faster. Their blood pressure rises and their bodies are flooded with stress hormones, depleting their immune systems and making them more susceptible to infections and illness.

At school, their learning is also impacted. Their grade point averages drop and they do poorly on tests. All the conflict is predictive of academic failure. The more intense the conflict, the worse children do. In fact, teachers will tell you that kids from high conflict homes are more likely to be expelled from school, become pregnant as teens and live in poverty.

Emotionally, living in a hostile home puts kids at risk for psychiatric disorders such as depression and anxiety. They have trouble regulating their emotions, knowing how to calm themselves down and can’t attend as well to others. All that bickering creates a powerful sense of a loss of control. In addition, those kids take their childhood stress into their adult lives and relationships.

Bottom line, when parents constantly fight and have high conflict in their homes, kids suffer. Also, please note, it isn’t divorce that does the damage as much as the high conflict fighting. So, if you want to help your kids, stop fighting. Learn to deal with your partner in ways that are respectful and honoring. Solve your problems without all the intensity and drama. Honor your covenant and seek godly counsel to work through conflict and bring fighting to an end. Your kids’ physical, emotional and relationship health depends on it!