Relationships that work are about two people who are in tune with each other. In other words, they know the inner world of the other and respond to their bids for attention.
This attunement has to do with your emotional intelligence. How well do you measure up?
Check your emotional intelligence by answering these 10 questions YES or NO.
1) When your partner does something that bothers you, do you think, “There must be a good reason for this. I am sure we can work it out?”
2) Are you free to express your dreams, values and viewpoints?
3) Do you manage your emotions during conflict and try to understand what is happening?
4) When distressed, are you able to talk about your fears and worries?
5) Can you calm yourself down when you feel defensive and believe your partner may feel attacked too?
6) When an argument is repeated, do you think about what the bigger issue may be?
7) No matter how distressed or conflicted, do you maintain connection with your partner?
8) Do you regularly tell your partner how much he or she is appreciated?
9) Do you show on-going interest in what your partner says?
10) Do you both have common goals, dreams and hopes?
If you answered every question, YES, you get an ‘A’ for emotional intelligence. You understand your spouse and are in tune with his or her inner world. If you answered, NO to several questions, you have work to do. Take the questions and talk about them. Then decide what the two of you can do to make each item better. The good news is you can raise your emotional intelligence.