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Marriage 911 06/19/17

Are You Ready for True Love?

true love

OK, I've charged up my courage and decided to tackle the most difficult of topics: love. Not just any kind of love, but 'true love.'

If you are old enough to be reading this article, chances are you've experienced love. You've been smitten, bitten and enamored by love. You know the intoxicating feeling of 'falling in love.'

However, since you're old enough to be reading about 'falling in love,' you're also old enough to have 'fallen out of love.' You know the desperation one feels when they are losing their grasp on that intoxicating, addictive, compelling love.

To get help for your marriage from Dr. Hawkins and his qualified staff, please visit The Marriage Recovery Center website or call 206-219-0145.

True love moves beyond initial optimism and hopes, past the disappointments of trying to change the other and into the openness and vulnerability of really discovering who we are and who our mate is. When moving past the initial euphoria and into discovering and learning about healthy relating, we discover mature, true love.

True love—honest, vulnerable, transparent love—is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the immature, self-centered and self-seeking, but rather is for the mature and those desiring to really learn about themselves and their mate. True love is the best place, the absolute best place, to learn what we are really like—the good, the bad and the ugly.

True love is far more than the initial pangs of desire. Scripture tells us, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Quite a list!

Thankfully, when the initial high begins to fade, it doesn't have to completely disappear as some might suggest. Scientific research suggests that the brain activity of couples in mature relationships is very similar to the brain activity of those who are newly in love.

True love can last so there is hope for each of us. Your love story won't be the same as mine, but your unique story can be an exciting adventure, born of triumph, and perhaps some tragedy. It will, in the end, be your story.

What can you do to write a wonderful love story of your own?

1. Acknowledge that your love story is unique.

Don't compare your love story to one on the big screen or magazines. Don't sensationalize love but rather celebrate what is unique and wonderful about your love story. 

2. Commit to making it a wonderful love story.

Love requires constant attention. Don't slip into laziness. Approach every day as a new day to make a wonderful memory together and then remember those experiences.  

3. Discover what is loveable about your mate, reflect on them, and reinforce those qualities.

Journal what you appreciate about them and tell them daily why you love them. Never stop appreciating their unique qualities, remembering why you fell in love with them initially.

4. Be your mate's true love.

Don't be passive when it comes to love. Be the best lover possible in your relationship. Consider what your mate needs and meet that need as best you can. Consider them, reflecting on what they need from you each and every day.

5. Make true love an ongoing goal.

Commit to ongoing growth. Every day is a new day to make true love your goal. Learn as much as you can about your mate. Create adventure, joy, and excitement as part of your journey and see how true love can be yours.

Are you ready for full true love? If you would like more information on having a truly deep and abiding love life, we are here to help. Share your feedback below or send a confidential note to me at [email protected] and read more about The Marriage Recovery Center on my website www.MarriageRecoveryCenter.com.You'll find videos and podcasts on saving a troubled marriage, our special Marriage Intensives, codependency and affair-proofing your marriage.

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