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Marriage 911 02/01/18

Healing Your Relationships

Friends reconcile

Healing your relationships is easier than you think. At first thought, it may seem impossible. After all, so much of our welfare seems to depend on others. So much of how the relationship proceeds has to do with the other people involved, right?

Not necessarily.

To get help for your marriage from Dr. Hawkins and his qualified staff, please visit The Marriage Recovery Center website or call 206-219-0145.

Much of what happens in our relationships is based upon you practicing The Golden Rule: 'Do unto others as you would have it done unto you.' (Luke 6:31)

This 'Rule' really says it all: it says that we have a responsibility to treat others the way we want to be treated and the implication is that if we do that, good things will come back to us.

What we sow we will reap, whether it is good seeds or bad. Living by The Golden Rule is a simple way of ordering our world and ensuring good things happening to us.

Most of us, of course, don't follow this rule. We tend to treat others the way we perceive we have been treated, or worse. We are on the watch for how others treat us and then, at some level, decide accordingly. Subsequently, we tend to treat our fellow workers, acquaintances, and sometimes even strangers better than we treat our loved ones.

The essence of this blog is that we can have a huge impact on how our relationships will go. The biggest variable is what we will choose to do in those relationships. How much will we allow our ego to dictate how things proceed? Will we hold a grudge or will we be the first to say, 'I'm sorry'?

What will we do with our anger or sense of injustice? Will we brood and get even with the other person, or will we take the high road and forgive? Will we choose to be loving even when that is not the easiest decision?

Here are some additional steps you can take for healing your relationships:

1. Choose how you will treat others.

Instead of reacting to events around you, choose ahead of time how you will treat people. Choose to treat others with dignity, respect, and care. Choose to be friendly, loving, and kind.

2.  Choose to love others.

Instead of acting out of self-interest, act out of interest for others. Consider their needs and meet those that you can. Choose to extend yourself for the welfare of others -- a good definition of love.

3. Choose your attitude.

Instead of allowing an attitude to swoop in on you, choose to have a positive attitude. Choose to be optimistic and life-giving. Choose to be encouraging and someone others want to be around.

4. Choose to assume the best about others.

Instead of being threatened by others, assume others are generally doing the best they can. If they are unkind, assume they are struggling emotionally rather than taking it personally.

5. Choose to be happy as opposed to right.

Instead of pushing your way, choose to be happy instead. Instead of winning an argument, decide if it's really worth it. Most of the time, it isn't. Choose to be happy instead.  

Have fun with some of these attitude shifts. Notice the difference they can make in your well-being.

We'd love to hear from you. Share your feedback below or send a confidential note to Dr. David Hawkins and his team and read more about The Marriage Recovery Center and my Marriage Intensives on my site: marriagerecoverycenter.com. You'll find videos and podcasts on saving a troubled marriage, codependency and affair-proofing your marriage.

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