Embracing the Shame-Free Life!

By Bill Gaultiere
Founder of Soul Shepherding Ministry

What do you say to yourself about yourself? Do you feel about yourself as our God of grace does? As a psychologist everyday I get inside the heads of people who are struggling. Here’s what I hear: I blew it. I’m a failure…. I’ve been abused. I’m a victim…  I gave in again.  I’m an addict…. I’m alone. I’m just a loner…  I can’t lose weight. I’m unattractive.

Be Free of Shame!
Shame is the most painful and destructive of all emotional states. To feel ashamed is to believe yourself to be bad and rejected for your badness. You think you are worthless and un-loveable. You reject yourself and expect others, including God, to reject you. You look at what is wrong with you (or what seems wrong) and say, “That’s me and I’m bad!” In other words, when you’re ashamed you’re identifying yourself with a bad part of you or a bad thing that was done to you.

Of course, we all commit sin (by action, inaction, and attitude), and sin is offensive and causes God, others, and ourselves pain. Indeed, our sin is a terrible problem, but it is eradicated by God’s mercy and grace when we put our faith in Jesus Christ who sacrificed his pure life to pay the price for our sins and to reconcile us to God. (2 Corinthians 5:21) This means that those who trust in Jesus and receive their righteousness as God’s gift (rather than something they have to work for or measure up to) need never continue in a state of shame! (Ephesians 2:8-9)

So how should we feel when we sin? If God doesn’t want us living in shame even when we’ve sinned then what does he want us to feel?  Momentary guilt. What the Bible calls “godly sorrow.”

Godly sorrow is different than a depressing, dead-end guilt referred to in the Bible as “worldly sorrow.” (2 Corinthians 7:10) To feel godly sorrow or conviction about your sin is to feel sad that you’ve offended God or another person. The Holy Spirit pricks your conscience to show you that you’ve “missed the mark” of God’s good and holy purpose and brought on pain to yourself, others, and God. Then, trusting in God’s love, mercy, and grace you confess your sin and ask God for forgiveness.

The Believer's Heart is Good!
If you’re a believer in Jesus Christ then the implications of what I’m saying are startling and glorious!  Do you see it?

No matter what you’ve done, no matter what’s been done to you, “Your heart is not bad; it is good!”  That’s the revolutionary change that God wants for you.

Wait!  Stop right there! You may be thinking. Doesn’t Jeremiah say that the heart is “deceitful and wicked”? (Jeremiah 17:9) Bill, how can you say the heart is good?

Yes, since Adam and Eve’s sin the hearts of all people have been corrupted by sin and are incapable of goodness apart from God. What I’m saying is that the heart that trusts in Jesus Christ and is being re-created and transformed by God is good. (2 Corinthians 3:18)  Not all good, mind you, but good at the core. Yes, sin still lurks in all of our hearts and we must battle with God’s strength to “overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21), but Christ-followers are not to form their identities around their sins nor the sins of others against them, but around Christ.

Unfortunately, most people have not been taught this way of thinking at home or in church. But this is exactly Paul’s message in Romans 7. (It's sad how commonly we misinterpret this chapter!) He describes his personal battle with sin saying, “What I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want do – this I keep on doing.” (Romans 7:19)  This is the battle over his heart between God and Satan, angels and demons, and his Christ-redeemed-self and his “flesh.”

The crucial thing to notice here is what Paul bases his self-identity on. By himself he admits he is a “wretched man.” (Romans 7:24)  But this is not where he places his identity! Instead he thanks Jesus for rescuing him and he concludes that in his mind (his true self) he is committed to Jesus and will continue to battle and overcome his sinful nature. (Romans 7:24-25) It isn’t “I” who sin; it is “sin” living in me -- this is Paul’s firm belief. (Romans 7:20)

Have you Received your New Name from the Lord?
So this is my question for you. What are you basing your identity on? Your pain? Your badness? Your goodness? No! No! No! You want to base your identity on God’s love, forgiveness, and grace to you by embracing the miracle that he can make you a “new creation” in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

So as a believer in Jesus Christ your identity is that of a “new self.” (Ephesians 4:24, Colossians 3:10)  This transformation of God’s people fulfills Ezekiel’s beautiful prophecies from long ago that God will give his people a “new heart and a new spirit” (Ezekiel 11:19, 18:31, 36:26). Isaiah also prophesied about this. If you believe in Jesus and yet you’re struggling with feelings of shame then I encourage you to pray over these beautiful words from Isaiah 62:2-3: “You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow. You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand.”

What a blessing it is to know with confidence our identity in Christ! I’ve gathered some “Identity in Christ Verses in the Bible” to help you with this.

Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. and his wife Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. are founders of Soul Shepherding, a 501c3 nonprofit ministry. As counselors, spiritual mentors, speakers, and retreat leaders since 1987 they facilitate intimacy with Jesus for pastors and all kinds of ministry leaders from around the world. Bill is the author of You Can Live in Jesus’ Easy Yoke. You can sign up to receive his soul care messages by e-mail, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, or LinkedIn.