Satanist Finds Peace After Lifetime of Fear
“The people you trust the most who are supposed to take care of you and protect you from harm actually did the harm.” When Patricia was five years old she says she was initiated into a secret, satanic cult through a series of sick and abusive rituals.
“I was whisked away by family members to take part in a ceremony, a ritual.” She says. “In the basement there was an altar that was made out of wood. And on the floor of the concrete was a pentagram painted with red paint. Then there was family members and also occult members around in a circle around the altar. They were chanting in some unknown language. I just remember being pinned down, strapped down and then a ritual performed on me.”
Patricia says she was raped and pledged to Satan. But the horror didn’t stop there. Satanic rituals and animal sacrifice continued throughout her childhood. “We were forced to drink the blood. We were forced to eat eyes and if we didn’t, we were tormented until we did. And the eyes were to give us power to see into the spirit realm.”
For Patricia there was no safe place. Unable to process the abuse, she suppressed her memories. “The night terrors would continue and the dreams. My brain was trying to sort it all out, work it all out. You know, it’s a nightmare. It’s an absolute nightmare. I felt like I was living a constant –a horror movie. A horror movie. That’s how I describe it. A horror movie on Halloween.”
At thirteen years old she ran away from home. But the darkness she’d grown up with followed her. In her teens and twenty’s, Patricia read tarot cards and communicated with spirits. All the while she lived in constant fear and darkness.
“I was able to see demons and spirits, ghosts. And as I got older I had spiritual guides. I wanted power. I wanted to have complete power over my life because I didn’t have any power over my life when I was younger. Any time that I went, tried to get healing from the occult, the first thoughts that would come to my mind was to kill myself, in which I tried many times to do. Whether it be slicing my wrists or taking an overdose of pills. Ending up in the hospital, ending up in psychiatric ward.”
She longed for freedom but didn’t know where to turn. “I wanted peace. I wanted to be happy but I didn’t know how to get it, because I was afraid of God. I hated God. I didn’t - wanted nothing to do with Him. I was searching to be safe. I was searching for peace. I was searching to be loved.”
Desperate, Patricia went to church with a Christian friend. As the church worshiped, she felt the love of Jesus for the first time. Then she says she felt something else. “Everybody was praising the Lord and I wanted to do what everybody was doing. I wanted to feel what they were feeling. I needed the freedom. So I raised my hands and a dark presence came up behind me and literally jerked my shoulder. I wasn’t budging though. I said, ‘No. I’m not going. No, I’m not leaving.’ This is where I’m staying. And I continued and I just kept crying, ‘Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.’ And then it started lifting and lifting and lifting.”
Patricia became a Christian and began a long journey to freedom and wholeness with Jesus. “I got on my face and I said, ‘I want to feel you moving in my life, I want to feel release from these strongholds. I want to feel peace.’ When I got off the floor, He was there with me. And I started reading every Scripture about Him. The woman at the well, the woman who touched His garment, I was those women, the woman who was about to be stoned. I was all those women in one, who needed Him. I needed Him to gradually show me that I could trust Him. And that’s what He did.
Through intense Christian counseling and prayer Patricia finally found the freedom and peace she had always wanted in Christ. “Now I walk daily with joy and I never forget to thank Him every day for what He’s done in my life. Never forget to thank Him. And I enjoy life so much more you know it’s later in my life but he’s given me back all those years the Devil stole from me. If He can take someone like me, who was involved in all of that darkness, and oppressed by it, and set me free, and give me a whole new life, If He can take someone like me, who was into the occult so deep, into that darkness so deep, who was trapped by the enemy, and pull her up out of that hole, that pit of hell and bring her into the light, He can do that for anyone. Anyone, I don’t care how deep they are into the occult He can pull you out. It just takes just a few words, Jesus help me. Or Lord, help me. And He will be there. He will be there to help pull you out.”