Anguish Lifted from One Called to Serve and Protect

Tim recalls, “I saw so much death, violence, destruction, families being torn apart. There was no rest in between.”

Tim Rutherford never imagined the job where he swore an oath to protect and serve the community would drive him to the edge of suicide.

Tim shares, “I just got to a breaking point to where I just couldn't pull myself out. It was like slamming the brakes on a freight train.”

Tim grew up in a relatively small town in upstate New York in a poor household. His father spent what little money he made working odd jobs on drugs and alcohol. Many times, they were on the verge of being homeless.

Tim says, “When I was 13-years-old, I vowed to not grow up poor. I didn't want to be in poverty, because I was very, very tired of the instability."

After high school, Tim moved to Florida with his aunt and uncle who were Christians. While there, he adopted their faith as his own.  

Tim remembers, “I did give my heart to Jesus Christ at that time. But my life following that point was very lukewarm with the Lord.”

As Tim began to drift from God, he focused on the vow he made at 13…to not live in poverty. At 24, he became a patrol officer in the city of St. Petersburg, Florida. To him, it was more than having stability.

Tim shares, “I always felt a strong passion to protect people, stand up for the little guy, if you will. Make sure that justice is served appropriately.”

Tim’s passion to protect people would expose him to the worst of humanity. After seven years it began to take its toll.

Tim recalls, “Domestic calls were prevalent. It wouldn’t be uncommon to handle a suicide. Child deaths are a very horrible thing. They will absolutely mess with your mental abilities.”

By now, Tim had married and had two children and was determined to provide them with the financial stability he never had. However, the daily stress on his job led to heavy drinking and a volatile homelife.

Tim says, “I would be irritable, I would be angry a lot of the times, frustrated. I would deal with situations on the street where there was constant yelling and screaming and then I'd come home to a household where there was more. I think part of my marital issues came from absolutely the excessive drinking. That was the only thing I could do to step away from everything that I was experiencing.”

Tim started using anti-depressants to deal with the growing pressure.

Tim recalls, “By year 12, I was white knuckling it, so to speak. I was doing everything I could to just cope and get by.”

Still, he showed up to work every day to face the never-ending onslaught of violence and death.

Tim remembers, “We had bills to pay. So, I did not have a choice in the matter at the time. Mentally, I was gone though.”

Finally, Tim sought psychiatric help and was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. The help though came too late. One night, sitting alone at home after an argument with his wife, his firearm loaded, Tim called his mom and sister and told them he was going to kill himself.

Tim says, “I was in such a deep hole that if I didn't wake up the next day, I would have been okay with that.”

His mom called 911 and moments later, deputies from the Pasco County Sherriff’s office arrived and took him into protective custody. He was then transported to a facility for psychiatric evaluation.

Tim recalls, “I've lost my job now probably. I've definitely lost my family. I have no friends, really, to speak of at that time. I pretty much had nothing.”

Alone, in a locked room Tim cried out.

Tim shares, “I said, ‘Jesus, I need you and I need you now, and I got nothing else.’ And when I made that prayer, I promised Him, I said, ‘If you get me the help I need, you get me out of this, I will forever speak your name and I will give you all the glory.’ And in that moment, it felt comfortable. Almost like a sense of peace and it's going to be alright.”

Within 48 hours he was released. Over the next six months Tim would stop drinking. And, after an internal investigation by his department and with continuing psychiatric treatment, he was cleared to return to duty.

Tim recalls, “I’m a grown man that just broke down crying. I was so grateful for the opportunity that God had provided for me. A second chance at life.”

Unfortunately, his second chance at life did not include his marriage.

Tm recalls, “I never, ever wanted it to end like that. It breaks your heart. It destroys a piece of you. It was absolute devastation for me.”

Eventually, Tim and his wife divorced with shared custody of their children. As he continued with mental health care Tim began rebuilding his life and his relationship with Jesus.

Tim shares, “My anxiety was going away. I felt more at peace than ever since I started police work. Things started to heal, things started to go back to a baseline, a normal.”

In 2021, after serving 2 more years, Tim left law enforcement. He also re-married and now has a blended family where he makes sure God is in the forefront. He works in a non-profit organization that builds mental health awareness among first responders, sharing God’s love and giving Him all the glory.

Tim says, “I want every human being out there to know Jesus is our Savior, we are nothing without Him, we need Him in our life. Our life will not be complete without Him. And it's never too late.”