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A Call to Authentic Brotherhood

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Nate Larkin grew up in a Christian home.  His father was a Pentecostal pastor.  For Nate, he learned very early on that he needed to be “good” at church, so much so that he believed his destiny was to be a pastor himself.  But there was another part of Nate that he was afraid to share with others.  Essentially, he forged two personalities – Good Nate and Bad Nate.  Good Nate was the boy who prayed publicly in church services, visited elderly shut-ins with his father, and was the president of his church youth group.  Bad Nate was the boy who secretly looked at pornographic magazines, lied regularly, and dabbled in other unsavory activities.

Nate Larkin was two different people.

Fast forward the clock.  Twenty years later, Nate had graduated from seminary, was married to a wonderful woman, had children, and was even the senior pastor of a church. Good Nate was quite successful. Bad Nate was addicted to lust, specifically hardcore pornography -- magazines, prostitution, and commercial sex of all kinds. 

Nate knew he had big problems but felt there was no one he could turn to.  From his fear and self-loathing he made several promises to God to leave his addiction behind.  But God didn’t seem to answer his cries.  Eventually, Nate concluded that either God didn’t care about Him anymore or He didn’t exist.

He left the ministry.  For many years he wandered in a wilderness of self-pity, praying, fasting, pleading, and repenting in private.  Nothing seemed to happen.  Finally, Nate found help for his sex addiction – Alcoholics Anonymous.  Yes, you read that correctly, Alcoholics Anonymous.

Through this 12-step recovery group, Nate discovered what authentic friendship and safety from rebuke really felt like.  He began to see life differently, more clearly than he ever had before.  Nate learned that just like Samson in the Old Testament, you cannot get by on great strength and outward appearances only.  You must possess an inner strength that only God can provide.  But you cannot do it alone.  Nate determined that the gift of authentic Christian male companionship is more important than anything.

Perhaps this is you. There is the good person that everyone knows and the bad one who lurks inside.

Today, Nate Larkin realizes that every man’s heart combines equal parts sinner and saint.  Because of this he is introducing a model of community and friendship that is re-invigorating men’s ministry across the country.  Nate calls it The Samson Society.  This movement has also spawned a new book, “Samson and the Pirate Monks” (Thomas Nelson Publishers).

CBN.com Program Director Chris Carpenter recently sat down with Larkin to discuss why so many men battle with self-authenticity, their fear about being honest with others, and why the examples of Samson and King David hold the key to genuine brotherhood in Christ.

You are certainly not alone in “playing church”.  There are so many people out there who are just like that.  Why do you think people are content to play the part of a good Christian but really feel quite different on the inside?

It is not often safe to be honest at church.  We know we need the company of other people and we are afraid of what will happen if they see the real thing.  People are afraid that they will get left out of the fellowship.  I think we do it to gain acceptance and to impress one another.  Meanwhile, most people are working very hard to become the image they are projecting.  I know I did.

I have a psychologist author friend who believes that if you look around an average Sunday morning worship service, roughly 75 percent of the people in attendance are wearing the smile of a happy go lucky Christian but underneath that façade something is going on that they are not proud of.  It could be an addiction, anger, or a vice they know is wrong.  Do you believe that?

I think it changes when a Christian is in an environment that he or she knows is completely safe.  I love to watch new guys come to a Samson Society meeting.  They hear men say things that are true and dangerous.  And the other men at the table don’t move away from them, they move toward them because now they trust him.  This is the real guy and we are talking about the real battle, where the real front lines really are.  I think it is partly cowardice but mostly it is a rational fear that we are not more honest with one another.

Everyone knows the story of Samson from the Old Testament.  If you ask the average person on the street they will likely say something about ‘the guy who had the long hair that gave him his strength’.  Why is the story of Samson so important to you and why is it important enough to name a society after him?

I identify with Samson because he was a failed hero.  He was a man with genuine gifts with a call on his life.  He was a guy who actually performed his professional duties responsibly.  He judged Israel for 20 years and as far as we know he always did his job, punched in at nine, punched out at five, but his private life was a disaster.  In the end it was his undoing.  His calling was to be the deliverer of Israel.  Although he did amazing things, huge exploits, he failed in his mission.  When he died the Philistines still ruled Israel.  It took a different kind of man and a different kind of leader.  It actually took a whole team of men to accomplish that mission that was done under David’s leadership.

What role does King David play in the Samson Society?

He is a model that we aspire to.  It was really kind of a toss up at the beginning – do we name the society after David or do we name it after Samson?  I really think that since our high value is authenticity it was important for us to say, ‘I’m a Samson who needs to learn to live like David.’  David is another broken man, a man with a tremendous collapse.  But he learned to do the things that make recovery possible.  Samson never learned this.

As part of the Samson Society every member has a Silas.  What is a Silas and what role do they play?

That is a great question.  A Silas is just another guy.  There is no Silas University.  There is no Silas certification.  It is a guy who loves God who has been around the block.  His greatest qualification is that he isn’t you.  But he is someone who will be a true, honest, trustworthy mirror for you.  He will help you see the parts of your life that you can’t see because you are inside it.  We tend to be champion forgetters – most of us.  Our Silas will recognize the cycle and say, ‘you did that two months ago.’  Our Silas will ask us the questions that we will not ask ourselves.  But above all else, he is just a trustworthy traveling companion.

Was it your intention to have and maintain such brutal honesty in your Samson Society meetings?  Is that what you set out to do?

Since authenticity is so lacking in the church and out of the church I really believe that Christianity is not about being good.  Goodness comes out of our relationship with the only one who is all good.  Christianity is about being.  It is about being real and being free, being the person God made.  God never loved my religious persona.  He didn’t die for that.  He died for me.  And until I come to him as the real me I can’t even appropriate that kind of grace and forgiveness.  So, the authenticity is key.  We go beyond confession and we really do challenge one another.  It is not just a place to come and dump your garbage.  But I do notice this – whether I am speaking across an audience or across a table to one guy, when I say the truth about myself, when I talk about my sin in the present tense, when I describe where the front lines are right now, I become safe.

Does the Samson Society cater more to loners than it does to the average guy who has several friends?

I think it is the guy who is isolated or whose male relationships are very shallow who is most receptive to this book.

What is your ultimate goal for this book and for the Society?  What is the message that you want to convey?

I want to convince a guy that Christianity is a team sport not an individual event.  And two, to give them the tools necessary to start a meeting of the Samson Society or something like it so that he can find brothers.

 

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About The Author

Chris
Carpenter

Chris Carpenter is the program director for CBN.com, the official website of the Christian Broadcasting Network. He also serves as executive producer for myCBN Weekend, an Internet exclusive webcast show seen on CBN.com. In addition to his regular duties, Chris writes extensively for the website. Over the years, he has interviewed many notable entertainers, athletes, and politicians including Oscar winners Matthew McConaughy and Reese Witherspoon, evangelist Franklin Graham, author Max Lucado, Super Bowl winning coach Tony Dungy and former presidential hopefuls Sen. Rick Santorum and Gov. Mike