Nabeel Qureshi's wife Michelle is sharing her experiences of the days before, during, and after Nabeel's death from stomach cancer.
"I really want to say thank you to everyone who has prayed for us this past year...who even prayed for us in all the years prior," Michelle begins a video posted to Nabeel's Youtube channel.
She explains why she doesn't view herself as a widow and single mom to their two-year daughter.
"I have chosen not to place upon myself the burdens associated with the terms 'widow' and 'single mom,'" Michelle says. "I am a child of the most high king...It is in that identity that I find strength. it is in that identity that I can find security despite my circumstances."
But Michelle admits she still struggles with Nabeel's passing.
"Going to God for all of my needs doesn't mean I don't have things to wrestle with," she says.
"I said in a video back in May that I had a peace that I believed this would lead to healing. We obviously find ourselves in different circumstances now, and I'm going to have to wrestle with that."
Michelle even opened up about how she prayed for Nabeel's resurrection.
"I was wrestling, praying for resurrection. After a while you realize, at the end of the day, you can only rely on the word of God. You can only rely on the one thing that is unchangeable," she says.
Even though Michelle doesn't know all the answers, she says she still trusts God with her questions.
"There's a lot I don't know, but what I do know is that God is big enough to handle our questions and He is compassionate enough to lead us into deeper truths," Michelle says. "I don't understand why and I don't need to."
Instead of the asking the question, "Why?" Michelle says it is better to ask "What now, Lord?"
"He has a plan and I want to be apart of it," she says. "Somehow his plan is going to bring much greater glory than the plan I had in mind."
Michelle's final message is one about the goodness of God.
"Nothing has changed about God's character. He's still sovereign, good, and trustworthy."