Dr. Gary Smalley: America's Relationship Doctor Opens Up

THE THREE DEADLIES

Gary says putting the right beliefs in your heart can change your life. He says that more and more he is understanding the powerful effects of the three deadly beliefs that dominate our culture. There is the lust of the eyes. Most of our desires come from our eyes. What we see arouses the desire to have it (materialism). There is the lust of the flesh: a desire for what is forbidden. The drive to seek a never-ending flow of pleasure, fun, thrills and excitement. And, there is the pride of life. We adopt the belief that it’s all about me. It's self-centered egotism.

“Our thoughts, words, and actions come from these desires,” says Gary. “Not one of the three deadlies will satisfy the human heart.”

Gary says lustful thoughts began in him when he was five-years-old and continued until well into his sixties. As a child, Gary says an older neighborhood girl regularly took boys into the garage to play doctor.

“It never occurred to me that innocently experimenting with sex would be wrong or have any lasting effect on me,” says Gary. “Yet those experiences did have inevitable negative consequences. They stuck in my mind and affected my attitudes and behaviors for much of the rest of my life.”

In January 2006, Gary was in Orlando for a four-day conference. Every morning, Gary took walks through the neighborhoods. One day, a beautiful girl in her mid-twenties came walking towards him. She was wearing tight-fitting, sexy clothing. When she walked by, Gary says he turned his head instantly and nearly fell over the curb.

“Even after another 50 steps, I was still thinking about this girl,” says Gary.

Then he paused and was appalled that he had just been praying and working on key sections of Scripture.

“Here I was lusting for this girl just seconds after seeing her. I said to God, “Am I always going to be lusting for women even when I’m 70, 80 or 90 years old?”

Gary says he has learned that he can use the same principle to overcome any other problem areas in his life that needed changing.

CHANGING YOUR BELIEFS

Gary says any area that doesn’t reflect the love and character of Jesus needs changing. He says there are five steps that he takes every day to change his own behavior when it doesn’t reflect the character of God.

Step 1: Identify your behavior that needs to change. Uncover the problem.

Step 2: Admit the behaviors that are not godly. Admit the problem is real, wrong, and ugly.

Step 3: Locate Scripture verses that address the problem. Fill your heart with positive reinforcement.

Step 4: Memorize your selected Scriptures. Hide God’s Word in your heart.

Step 5: Deepen the imprint of God’s Word on your heart. Make God’s principles part of your own DNA.

In February 2006, Gary was with his granddaughter Hannah at a hotel pool. Hannah pointed out that there were two live “Barbies.”

The very first thought that entered Gary’s mind was I wonder if these girls know how much God loves them? The second thought he had was I wonder if their daddies loved them the way they should have been loved as little girls. The third thought was that he wondered if they were married and if their husbands placed high value on them like God did.

“I was absolutely thrilled that these three unexpected thoughts came to my mind instantly and naturally,” says Gary. “I was and still am convinced that God’s Word worked a miracle in my heart.”

Gary says he has total victory over lustful thoughts.