Chapter 1: Biblical Principles

IN THIS CHAPTER, you will discover:

·    The importance of unity in building families.

·    The divine source of our differences.

·    How God uses families to build character.

·    Positive and negative family models in the Bible.

AS A RESULT, you will be able to:

·    Understand the Biblical responsibilities of parents and children.

·    Appreciate how different personalities complement each other.

·    See both triumph and failure as opportunities for character growth.

·    Model the successful patterns of parenting found in God's Word.

Key Scripture: "For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name" (Eph. 3:14-15).

Key Words: Unity, Diversity, Mutual Submission, Discipleship.

We live in an age in which traditional family values are in eclipse. As a result, the family unit is often shattered by divorce, child abuse, and inner instability. Because of careerism and materialism, children are devalued and treated as commodities that can be aborted physically or neglected emotionally. We have lost our understanding of the crucial role that a unified, caring family plays in creating healthy children and a healthy society. According to current secular thinking, the family is merely a temporary, social arrangement that exists between related or unrelated "domestic partners" sharing the same address.The Biblical understanding of the family is quite different. God's Word portrays the family as the first human institution ordained by God.

The purposes for the family are: 1) to bring children into the world; 2) to provide a stable framework in which they may grow in character; 3) to symbolize God's relationship with humanity; and 4) to act as the first, indispensable cell of human society.

Many great leaders have recognized that strong, unified families meant strong, unified nations. God has made unity a prerequisite for success in every area of life (Matt. 12:25; 18:19; James 1:5-8). This is particularly true in building successful families.

Unity in the Family

Genesis 2:7 records the initial creation of man by God. In Genesis 2:18 God declares, "it is not good for man to be alone" and makes Eve as his companion (vv. 21-22). Here the model of marriage appears, in which man and woman are joined in unity as "one flesh" (Gen. 2:23-24). Later, in Genesis 4:1, a child is born from this union "with the help of the LORD." Within the bond of marriage, the unity of the family appears.

The individuality of man, woman, and child are retained within the unity of the family. Each has their complementary role to play in strengthening and enriching the family. Every member has both freedom and responsibility within the boundaries of the family structure. Thus the solidarity of the family provides not only unity but also unity-in-diversity.

In the next lesson we will look more closely at unity-in-diversity within the family. In this lesson we will concentrate on the foundation of unity, which makes family diversity possible. What are the boundaries and responsibilities that God appointed for husbands and wives, as well as for children and parents?

Husbands and Wives. Marriage is an institution ordained and established by God (Gen. 2:18; Prov. 18:22; Matt. 19:3-6, 8). Husbands and wives are to live in mutual submission to each other "out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21). The nature of this mutual love and submission, which profoundly parallels the love between Christ and his Church, is described in Ephesians 5:21-33. The bond of holy matrimony is the foundation of the family. Because God is concerned about the preservation of the family, he hates divorce (Mal. 2:16).

Children and Parents. Children are to honor and obey their parents "in the Lord" (Eph. 6:1; cf. Ex. 20:12). Note that Paul says that this commandment is the first commandment "with a promise" (v 2). God intends parents to be a channel of blessing to children (Prov. 6:20-23). But children must cooperate with their parents if they are to receive that blessing.

Children are to be seen by parents as a blessing and a sacred trust from God (Ps. 127:3-5; 128). Parents are to care for the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of their children. They are to provide for them materially (2 Cor 12:14;1 Tim. 5:8), love them (Eph. 6:4; Titus 2:4), teach them to love and respect God (Deut. 6; Ps. 78:4-8), and discipline them to develop character (Prov. 3:11-12; 13:24; 22:15).

The dominant principle behind the exercise of any authority in the family is godly love (1 Cor. 13). Agape love is the secret of family unity. Parents motivated by such love freely meet every need. They are practical when practicality is needed, stern when sternness is needed, and tender when tenderness is needed. In all things, they are careful to preserve the delicate self-esteem of their children. This is the kind of love parents need (1 John 4:8,16).

Teaching our Children about God

Parents are commanded to discipline children (Prov. 22:6). But they are also warned against abusing their authority and crushing the spirits of their children (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21). Biblical discipline is best understood as discipleship. Discipleship demands leadership from parents. Through teaching, correction, and demonstration, parents build character in children.

An important foundation in character building is teaching our children who God is and what he is like. How do we teach our children about God? As the lesson tape points out, Moses gave Israel (and us) a teaching model of timeless utility in Deuteronomy 6.

Moses' message to the children of Israel as they prepared to enter the land of Canaan was: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" (v. 5). God promised that obedience to his commandments would result in long life, success, and prosperity (vv.2,3). For this reason God's commandments were to be impressed upon the hearts not only of the present generation, but also of their children "and their children after them" (v.2; cf. Matt. 22:37).

Note carefully the six ways in which parents are instructed to teach their children about God and His laws in Deuteronomy 6.

• Parents are to teach their children about God "diligently" (v. 7 NASB). They are to "impress" (v. NIV; the Hebrew word literally means "sharpen") their children with the seriousness and importance of following God's commandments.
• Teaching is to take place "when you sit ... when you walk ... when you lie down ... when you get up" (v.7). In other words, the reality of God is to become a natural element of daily family life.
• Verse 8 speaks of tying the symbols of the law of God to one's hands and forehead. The Jews literally did this with tiny leather boxes called phylacteries. Today we present and explain the truths of Christianity to our children through family devotions and Bible study, and in formal religious education and worship.
• The Jews also displayed the law on mezuzahs on the door frames of their homes and on their gates (v. 9). Their devotion to God was a public affair. In the same way, our own public witness to others about Christ exerts a powerful and indispensable influence on our children.
• Parents are to "keep the commands" and "do what is right and good in the LORD'S sight" (vv. 17,18). A "do as I say and not as I do" approach to teaching your children about God only sets the stage for them to reject God, especially during the skeptical season of adolescence.Parents should be able, to the best of their ability, answer questions that children raise about God (w. 20-25). Children are most teachable when they are young, curious, and impressionable. If parents can pass on a meaningful understanding of the gospel to their children at an early age, they will have given them a foundation for living that will bear fruit for a lifetime.

Making It Work:

• After looking over the inventory of teaching methods in Deuteronomy, ask yourself: Am I teaching my child about God in all six ways pictured in Scripture? If not, in which area(s) am I lacking? How can I improve? (Write down a practical plan of action.)
• Look closely at verse 7 and consider what "teachable moments" with your children you may be overlooking. Christ discipled his followers naturally as they spent time together. He often used whatever was at hand-a bird (Matt. 10:29-31), a tree (Luke 13:6-9), or an overheard conversation (Mark 9:33-35) - a teaching tool. You can teach your child about God while raking the leaves, riding down the road, or watching TV, if you are alert to the Holy Spirit and attuned to the personality of your child.   

Key Scripture: "Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:2-3).

We are all endowed with gifts and talents that make us different. We were not created by a "cookie-cutter" God who stamped us out anonymously on some divine assembly line. In the words of the psalmist, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Ps. 139:14). "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (v. 16). God's attention rests upon us as individuals, and we play an individual role in his divine plan. This divine intent is woven into our very constitution and character: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart" (Jer.1:5). All of us are born with special endowments and abilities. These gifts make us unique and give us the potential to bring enrichment and diversity to the family as a whole.

People respond to diversity in several ways, depending on their level of maturity. The immature response to diversity is fear. Many feel threatened by ideas or persons that are different. To be "different" (i.e., not "like me") is to be "wrong." For someone who thinks like this, diversity may inspire anger, competitiveness, jealously, even hatred. However, in God's economy unity and diversity are inseparable. Our diverse gifts are designed to complement each other and work for our mutual good (Prov. 27:17).

Spiritual Gifts

Each of us has different personalities and temperaments. Although our early environment does much to shape our personal development, most parents recognize that their child's personality is not just a "blank slate" at birth. Children begin to show a recognizable disposition very early in their growth. They tend toward being systematic or visionary in their self-expression; merciful or strict in their judgment; oriented toward leadership or service in their relationships; and abstract or practical in their thinking.The authors of LOD trace these innate differences to the types of spiritual gifts God instilled in us. These gifts "flavor" our personalities and form the foundation upon which they are built. As we study our spiritual gifts, we will learn how they shape personal interactions within the family. We will begin by looking at the "gift list" in Romans 12:6-8 and briefly noting the type of personality trait associated with each gift.

Gift: Personality Trait

Prophecy: Proclaims the truth about morality and justice.

Service: Ministers to the practical needs of others.

Teaching: Inquires into and expresses the truth in a systematic way.

Exhortation: Is quick to encourage others.

Giving: Desires to bless people in a material way.

Leadership: Organizes and directs people toward visionary goals.

Mercy: Shows compassion to those in pain or in need.

Unity in Diversity

Central to Paul's teaching on the spiritual gifts are two facts. First, all gifts come from the same source-God (1Cor.12:4-6). Second, each gift is intended to work interdependently with all the other gifts, like the parts of the human body. "From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work " (Eph. 4:16 ).

Two important lessons about the family are apparent here. First, diversity is essential: "Now the body is not made up of one part but of many" (1 Cor. 12:14). "God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ff they were all one part, where would the body be?" (vv.18-19). Second, it is unity that gives the diverse parts their meaning: "There are many parts, but one body" ( v. 20 ).

Paul underscores the mutuality of unity and diversity by pointing out that no part, no person, and no gift is dispens-able: "The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' " (1 Cor. 12:21). The attitude that follows from this recognition is one of mutual guardianship and esteem: "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it" (1 Cor. 12:26).As we recognize the interdependence of each member of the family and begin to appreciate their gifts, our hearts begin to open to each other. We "suffer with" others, "rejoice with" others, and carry the burdens of others as our own. To act from this perspective is to enter upon "the most excellent way," which, according to Paul, is the way of love (1 Cor. 12:31).

Love

"If I ... have not love, I am nothing" (1 Cor. 13:2). Paul discusses spiritual gifts in Romans 12:6-8, 1 Corinthians 12:7-10, and Ephesians 4:7-12. He introduces each discussion with a teaching on unity and spiritual maturity (Rom. 12:1-5; 1 Cor. 12:4-5; Eph. 4:1-6), and ends each with a teaching on love (Rom. 12:9-21; 1 Cor. 12:11-13:13; Eph. 4:13-16). Love is the binding force of family unity, and of unity in the body of Christ. This type of love is not just a feeling. It is the response that follows the recognition that the origin, the action, and the end of all things is rooted in a loving God. It is an acknowledgment of the living unity in which we stand with our family, our friends, the body of Christ, and the needy about us.

In its most mature form, love is the attitude of esteeming others more than ourself (Phil. 2:1-11; 1 John 3:16). Though we will study many useful parenting techniques in our remaining lessons, only the presence of Christ in our lives will enable us to use them fully. The love of Christ alone allows us to embrace each other in full unity, in spite of our diversity. For "perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4:18).

Making It Work:

In his book The Greatest Thing in the World, Henry Drummond compares Paul's treatment of love in 1 Corinthians 13 to the passing of light through a prism. Just as a prism breaks a beam of white light down into its component colors of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet, Paul, "through the prism of his inspired intellect," breaks Christian love down into several attitudes and patterns of behavior.

Post a copy of this list where the family can see it daily. Family members may wish to examine themselves in terms of the categories shown (Gal. 6:4; 1 John 1:8-10). In which areas are you strong? Weak? Jot down incidents that show you at your best and your worst. How can you improve in these areas?

Life Application: In what ways does your family function as a body? Economically? Emotionally? In terms of house-work? In terms of spiritual growth? Galatians 6:2 is a wonderful family motto: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Key Scripture: "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (Rom. 5:3).

Key Words: Sanctification, Character Quality

Long hours on the job. Rebellious teenagers. Housework. Spilled milk. Family squabbles. Real life on the front lines of family living. Perhaps it would be easy enough to plan a Bible study if you were the Brady family. But, unfortunately, your family is more like "The A-Team" than "The Brady Bunch."

If this is the way you feel, rest assured you have plenty of company. This is no reason to delay family discipleship. Life is what happens while we are preparing to live, so the best time to begin any great undertaking is now. Besides, Christians have "great and precious promises" from which they can draw incentive and confidence (2 Peter 1:4). First Peter 1:3 declares: "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who palled us by his own glory and goodness." We received the power to disciple our families when we received our salvation. Family discipleship is part of the ongoing process of sanctification, in which we are perfected in holiness by the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:11; 1 Thess. 4:3).

Sanctification and family discipleship are not optional parts of the Christian experience. We are commanded: "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Phil. 2:12-13). God works in us as we attempt to live obediently, but this does not free us from making the difficult decisions that obedience demands. After speaking of the "very great and precious promises" of God, Peter adds: "For this reason make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love" (1 Peter 1:5-7). The seven qualities Peter lists are character qualities. Children inherit their temperament, but their character is something they themselves must build. It is your responsibility as a parent to show them how.

Character

What is character? The original Greek term referred to the imprint of an engraving or seal. In this sense, we can think of character as the way our personalities are molded by our decisions.

Our children's character is rooted in the values we impart to them. Guided by these values they make decisions. Through those decisions they form habits. Out of those habits grow their character. And from their character they build their destinies. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." (Gal. 6:7-5). We should consider this law of sowing and reaping daily in our parenting.

As Christians, the image we want to see engraved in our children's character is that of Christ. To imitate Christ, children must know how to "die to self" (Matt. 16:25; 1 Cor. 15:31; Gal. 2:20). Learning to undergo what has been called "legitimate suffering" for the sake of others is essential to Christian character growth. Romans 5:3-4 teaches us that we must learn to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (see also James 1:3). Why does character produce hope? Because God reveals himself to those who consistently act in a way that is pleasing to him (John 14:21, 23; Rom. 5:5). From this we can clearly see that character building is a part of the process of salvation and sanctification.

Parents First

In a later chapter we will explore specific methods of teaching character to children. But, before we close this lesson, we want to underscore a point that by now should be obvious. The discipline of parenting involves building character in parents as well as in children. We can only call our children to obey Christ if we ourselves are obedient to Him. The message of the unreformed reformer seldom strikes fire in the listener. Our children must see Christ in us.

Character cannot be faked. What we do makes more of an impression than what we (say we) believe, no matter how exalted our moral standards. Our character is indelible. We give ourselves away in a thousand humble ways-in small talk; in spontaneous, unguarded moments; in what makes us angry. Our character is not to be found in what we think, but in who we are before we think. As Dwight L. Moody said, "Character is what you are in the dark."

Our character is especially made visible in the things we value. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:21). In the final analysis, our character is the outward manifestation of our inner spiritual life. This is the example our children will see and follow.

We cannot perfect our character by ourselves. But if we are faithful, we can be sure that "the one who calls [us] is faithful and he will do it" (1 Thess. 5:24). The reward for our perseverance is a "harvest" of righteousness in our lives and in the lives of our children (Gal. 6:9, cf. Prov. 11:18).

Making It Work:

The following questions will help you target some areas in which character development may be needed.

• Are your children learning about God's love and mercy through your own example?
• Are they learning to submit to God by submitting to you?
• Are they learning to trust God by trusting you?
• Do they know what the "rules" are at home and what the consequences are if they're broken?
• Do they accept some measure of responsibility?
• Do they learn self-control?
• Can they empathize with the feelings of others?
• Do they know the meaning of justice and honesty?
• Are they overly critical of others or themselves?
• Do they act compassionately on their own?
• Have they learned to share?

Key Scripture: "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Eph. 5:1-2).

Key Words: Generational Sin

Many causes of dysfunctional families appear to be distinctively modern. Drug abuse, "latch-key" kids, and multiple stepfamilies are the result of unprecedented economic and social trends. Although it is true that modem families face unique problems, human nature itself does not change. The root cause behind dysfunctional families remains what it has always been: "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand" (Matt. 12:25). Lack of unity and disregard for God's principles for successful relationships are the primary causes of dysfunctional families.In this lesson we will look at several scriptural models of functional and dysfunctional families. These models were recorded as" examples" and "warnings" for us (1 Cor 10:11). Study the principles that you find most useful in more depth. Practice them with the confidence that God wants you to have a functional family and will add his grace to your efforts.

Foundational Principles of Functional Families

We learned in Lesson 1 that the Bible uses the family as an allegory for the relationship between God and man. In doing so, two important general principles are revealed:

The Fatherhood of God (Matt. 6:9). Jesus taught that God is an approachable, loving "papa" ("Abba" -Rom. 8:15; Gal. 4:6). This perspective profoundly deepens our understanding of how we should relate to God. But it also carries implications about what earthly parents should be like. The Lord God "from whom every family in heaven and earth derives its name" (Eph. 3:15 NASB) is to be our ultimate parenting model. A number of divine character qualities that we should imitate in our parenting are listed on the following page.

Parental Attributes

• Cherishes (Zeph. 3:17)
• Keeps promises (Ex. 6:5-8; 12:51)
• Exhibits unfailing love (Rom. 8)
• Delights in children (Luke 18:16)
• Shares inmost being (2 Peter 1:5)
• Imparts confidence (Phil. 4:12-13)
• Defends (Jer. 22:15-16)
• Is self-sacrificing (Rom. 8:31-32)
• Is slow to anger (Ps. 145:8-9)
• Is Fair and impartial (2 Chron.19:7)
• Is Forgiving (Matt. :21-22)
• Protects (Dent. 33:12)
• Provides (Matt. 7:7-11)
• Disciplines (Heb. 12:9-11)
• Encourages responsibility (Gen. 1:28)
• Is Patient (1 Tim. 1:15-16)
• Delivers (Dent. 6:20-23)
• Is Constant (James 1:17)
• Is Gracious (Eph. 1:4-8)
• Is Righteous (Ps. 145:17)
• Is Compassionate (2 Cor. 1:3-4)
• Is Trustworthy (Josh. 23:14)

Mutual Submission (Eph. 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7). Paul used the mysterious, intimate union that occurs between a man and a woman in marriage to interpret the relationship between Christ and his church (pictured as the bride of Christ in Revelation 19:7-8). The sacrificial, sheltering love that Christ expressed in ransoming his people tells us how a husband should love his wife. And the believer's attitude of devotion and service to Christ reveals something essential about the way a wife should love her husband. The principle of mutual submission (discussed in Lesson 1) is extended in Scripture to cover every area of family life (Eph. 6:1-9).

Dysfunctional Family Models

Eli, the prophet Samuel's teacher, had inferior disciples in his sons Hophni and Phinehas (1 Sam. 2-4). They became priests who abused their authority to gain material and sexual favors. God rebuked Eli for his lack of parental discipline, saying, "Why do you honor your sons more than me?" (2:29). Eli's permissiveness resulted in death for all three and stands as a warning to us.

Exodus 34:7 speaks of God punishing children "for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation" This verse does not imply that God judges innocent people arbitrarily. It speaks of the tendency of parents to pass their negative character qualities on to their children. The next two examples illustrate this notion of generational sin as it affected three generations of Abraham's family.

Abraham's name is almost synonymous with faith (Rom. 4:1-3; Heb. 11:8-12). Yet even he erred through lack of faith. Rather than wait for God to deliver the son of promise through Sarah (Gen. 17:6,16), Abraham and Sarah tried to produce an heir through Hagar. Inevitably, they showed favoritism toward their offspring Isaac and rejected Ishmael (Gen. 21:8-14). This tendency toward partiality was passed to other descendants of Abraham through Isaac. Isaac and Rebekah showed partiality toward their sons Esau and Jacob, respectively (Gen. 25:28). Jacob shamelessly exalted his son Joseph above his brothers (Gen. 37:3-4). In each case, the predisposition to favoritism was passed from generation to generation, and parental favoritism created a deadly sibling rivalry among the children.

David's adultery with Bathsheba and subsequent murder of her husband Uriah planted seeds for similar behavior in his sons. Second Samuel 12 tells how David's eldest son Amnon was overcome with lust for his half-sister Tamar and took her by force, as his father had taken Bathsheba. Tamar's full brother Absalom took revenge, murdering Amnon. David's lack of parental intervention allowed this private conflict to escalate into political warfare, culminating in Absalom's death. Later David's son Adonijah, apparently out of contempt for his father's lack of discipline (1 Kings 1:6), also attempted to overthrow David, and was killed by David's son Solomon. Solomon himself, in spite of his legendary wisdom, had his heart "turned away" from the Lord through the hundreds of concubines and wives he collected (1 Kings 11:1-8). The political liaisons caused by his many foreign wives undermined the stability of Israel as a nation (1 Kings 11:9-13).

Functional Family Models

Barrenness in a wife was grounds for divorce in patriarchal times. Yet Abraham was devoted and understanding to Sarah, despite her childlessness. He demonstrated true husbandly forbearance and affection.

The relationship between Abraham and Isaac was one of mutual love and great faith-Abraham's faith in God and Isaac's faith in his father (Gen. 22:1-14). We, too, must learn to give our children to God. As we do so (and as we give ourselves to God), we begin to see them through God's eyes. Rather than parenting from a narrow personal perspective, we sense God's particular calling and direction for each child.

Joseph's ability to forgive and to bless his brothers despite their hateful treatment shows the power of forgiveness to bond families together against seemingly insurmountable odds (Gen. 37; 45:1-14; 50:15-21).

All the main characters in the book of Ruth exemplify positive family qualities. Ruth's protective care of her mother-in-law Naomi (Ruth 1:14-18) is a rich example of love reaching across the boundaries of blood relationships. And what kind of mother-in-law must Naomi have been to inspire such love? Judging by her willingness to release Ruth and Orpah (1:8) and her later sage counsel to Ruth (2:22; 3:1-4), it is clear she genuinely and unselfishly cared for her daughter-in-law. Boaz was considerate even of Ruth's unspoken needs (1:8-9, 14-¬16). He worked quietly and respectfully to provide for her and to win her love. In the book of Ruth we see family love that unites people despite cultural differences (1:22), social position, and age. This is a book that should inspire stepfamilies, blended families, and multigenerational families.

The prophet Hosea's love for his adulterous wife Gomer is one of the most moving portrayals in Scripture. The constancy of Hosea's love parallels God's love for Israel, which had adulterously embraced other gods. The portrait of love contained in the book of Hosea is love at its highest: tender, restorative, patient, all-sufficient, forgetful of hurts, and unconditional. Hosea's revelation of divine love (and ideal spousal love) has all the qualities later described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Though details in Scripture are scant, there are enough to give us some insight into Jesus' family life. Joseph appears to have been a considerate and godly man (Matt. 1:19). Judging from the silence of the Gospels concerning Joseph during Jesus' ministry, it is probable that he died sometime after Jesus' twelfth birthday (Luke 2:41,48). This means that Mary was probably a single parent-a difficult situation for a woman in the male-dominated society of Jesus' time.

Jesus, though a precocious child (Luke 2:46-47), was obedient to his parents (v. 51). That he "grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" (v. 52) would suggest that his parents discipled him and taught him godly habits (4:16). He apparently learned the family business (Mark 6:3) and, as the eldest, took care of the family for many years in Joseph's absence. Even from the cross he carefully looked after his mother's welfare (John 19:25-27). Though Jesus at times seemed to negate the traditional importance of the family, he did so only to affirm it on a larger scale (Mark 3:31-35).

Making It Work:

• With your spouse study the parental attributes of God, found on page 24. Decide together which three attributes you need to develop the most. Come up with strategies for doing so.
• Read Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21. What does it mean to "exasperate" or "embitter" a child? Discuss with your spouse an occasion when this occurred. How could things have been handled differently?
• Are you and your spouse guilty of practicing favoritism? Is any tension between your children attributable to you? Were generational sins transmitted to your parents and then to you? Do your children show signs of developing similar negative character traits? What can you do to erase these negative characteristics in you and your children?