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Find Peace in Chaos

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Author, Nothing Is Wasted, self published 2016


Husband: Michael since 1992

Children: Graham, Jake, Titus and Blake

Master’s: Social Work, Univ. of Kentucky

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Lore, then 27, and Michael, then 32, met and were married.  Less than a year after their wedding, Lore was pregnant with Graham.  They had no way to compare how different Graham was, but Lore says he was very, very active.  They had their next child 14 months later (Jake); then 2 years later, they had Titus; and 2 years after that, they had Blake.  Graham was diagnosed with ADHA when he was 4, but Lore knew something more was wrong.  “He had gotten kicked out of Mom’s day out twice when he was 2,” says Lore.  Once Graham had this grand idea of riding a large ice cube down the driveway so he filled an entire chest freezer with water and froze it.  Though she was surprised to see the freezer full of water, Lore wasn’t shocked.  Graham was always taking things apart and mixing scientific concoctions to discover what might happen.  “I wish I laughed more instead of reacting with anger,” says Lore.  She says she should have thought, How creative of my son. Instead her blood boiled with anger as she worried how they were going to fix the freezer. “Some stories are funny now that time has healed the fear and anger of the moment,” she says.  

Lore says she noticed Graham had sensitivities.  He was often bothered by certain aspects of physical touch.  He didn’t like to wear jeans with tags because he didn’t like the tags poking him.  Small sounds irritated him beyond the breaking point.  In school, he had to leave his classroom one day because he said the computer in the back of the room was humming so loudly he wanted to break it.  No one else heard the hum.  Though his sensory overload was off the charts, Lore says his emotional and social sensitivities seemed stunted.  No one was able to pinpoint what was happening.  When Graham was 10, doctors diagnosed him with Asperger syndrome.  Instead of receiving the diagnosis as terrible news, Lore was relieved.  “Finally, I knew there was something else.”    

Graham’s behavior became overwhelming by the time he was 12.  Lore was exasperated and fell on her bed.  She began sobbing and said, God I’m tired of asking you to help me because I can’t do it.  You need to do it.  Lore was amazed when she felt the Lord tell her, Graham is going to get it.  She sat up and heard the Lord tell her again.  “I’m glad God gave me that word at that point because it was pretty much downhill after that,” she says.  At 13, Graham began using marijuana.  He started cutting himself to relieve anxiety.  He started fires in their home.  Once he got in a fight with his dad.  The police came, arrested him and issued a restraining order.  Shortly thereafter, Graham had an emotional breakdown.  He broke into a home and got in trouble with the law.  For 2 years, Graham was bounced back and forth from a mental hospital to jail.  “I just wanted Graham to have peace and joy,” says Lore.  She thought, Peace and joy is a person.  That’s Jesus.  So, she prayed to God, Please let Graham experience you.  When Graham got out of jail, he went to Colorado then hitchhiked to Oregon.

While on vacation in Mexico in the fall of 2013, Lore says she and Michael got a call from Graham.  He was crying and screaming because he had run out of all of his medications.  Lore told Graham they would wire him money, but he got upset and hung up the phone.  Before he hung up, Graham declared, I’m gonna hurt somebody.  Lore says there was nothing she could do.  “It felt like the end,” she says.  “I wanted so badly to rescue him.”  With nothing left to do, Lore prayed,  Please help me let it go to let You do Your thing with him.  Lore closed her eyes and fell asleep.  They returned home from vacation and Lore brought her mind back to Graham.  Two and a half weeks later, Lore got a call from him and he told her what happened.  He said he had lost everything and didn’t know anyone for thousands of miles, but he knew God.  

Graham says after he hung up on his mom, he went to Sacramento then hopped on a freight train to Portland.  He had a vision of what appeared to be hell.  “It wasn’t just this place where people were eternally tortured,” he explained to his mom.  “It was this place where people chose to do things their own way.”  The next day, Graham was so filled with compassion and love for people that the transient people he was travelling with kicked him out of their group!  Lore says Graham exclaimed, “I just love everyone!”  He says God showed him what his life would look like if he healed Graham and what it would look like if he didn’t.  “The difference was extreme,” says Graham.  “But he gave me a choice.  He also made that choice very easy.”

Today, Graham, 26, is off all drugs and is walking with the Lord.  “What I used to trust God for was an outcome,” says Lore.  “Now it’s not about the outcome.  It’s about trusting God.  He knew how far to go with Graham.  He knew when, how and where Graham was going to respond and He did it. And I’m very grateful.”   

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