Christian Living


Turn-Offs: What Isn't Impressing Her and What Isn't Catching His Eye

Kyle Kupecky - Author

We all want to meet someone, right? Our dream girl. Our dream guy. But in order to meet the right the person, it's important to be the right person. The following is a list of turn-offs for girls and guys that we've observed and experienced in dating relationships. Pay attention! Don't be a turn-off, and don't fall for one.

A Guy Who Doesn't Put God First

This may sound cheesy to some of you, or it may sound accurate, but honestly the biggest turn off in a guy is when a guy doesn't put God first. I say that in the most loving, and nonjudgmental way possible. We all need to put God first, this especially includes me.

There are days when I wake up and start my morning off by reading my Bible. I'm focused on looking at things with a different perspective that day--I'm focused on God and what He's doing in my life. But then there are days where I sleep late, hurry to work, have an awful attitude, and then realize that night...wow, I didn't make any time for God today. I need to always remember to put God first, and I want to encourage you to do the same thing.

Guys were created to lead. It's in their nature to lead and not follow.

You want a guy to lead in a loving, godly way. When a guy is walking with the Lord and is reading his Bible, you will be able to tell. When a guy follows Jesus and puts Him first...he will be the best leader he can be. Guys who don't put God first in their life will be the biggest heartbreak for us girls.

A Girl Who Dumbs Herself Down

When your identity is found in Christ, you won't have to be someone you're not. I've met tons of girls who feel like they have to dumb themselves down around a guy. They are intelligent girls, but when guys come into the mix, they feel they have to resort to this less smart version of themselves.

Let me just say...that's not cute. That's stupid. It's not attractive. It comes across as an act and it doesn't allow for any depth to occur...or a real conversation to start. Acting dumb doesn't grab the guy's heart. Don't be forgettable. Be who God made you to be...Unforgettable!

The guys you want to end up with...Christ like, kind, faithful, bold, considerate guys are turned off by girls who are forward. Your forwardness might catch the attention of some guys, but it's going to be the wrong kind of guys. Guys who are lazy, afraid, pushovers, followers...

When I first met Kelsey, she didn't try to catch my attention in a flirty way and she didn't have tons of guys she was texting. Kelsey was just awesome. She was fun, friendly and humble. Her love for God was evident. Her beauty and confidence in her own skin made the room light up. That's what drew me to her.

A Guy Who is Over-confident…

I was in a drama/improvisation class with some of my theater friends and one new guy who none of us had seen before. He was buff and tan. Quite the mystery to us girls.

One day after class he and I got to talking. In a short conversation he mentioned many of his accomplishments, even using the words, "I'm kind of a big deal." I knew right then and there that no matter how good looking this guy was, he wasn't someone I wanted to date. We would have to just be friends. I mean, come on? Who actually says that to someone?

Somehow the guy managed to save the conversation and he had us both laughing before I turned and walked out to my car. And the next week he apologized for talking so much about himself: "I'm sorry for last week. I only just met you and you don't need to be bothered with my schedule or the fact that I will be filming a movie this weekend..."

I couldn't believe it. I was just smiling up at him when he leaned a little closer and said, "So I will be done shooting my scenes around 7 p.m. on Saturday. Call me maybe?" It took everything inside of me not to laugh out loud. Gosh, he was so cute but he was going about it completely the wrong way! I'm all for someone being confident, but this guy was just arrogant. Needless to say, I did not call him.

A Girl Who Forces the Relationship…

I had a friend who was an awesome girl. But when it came to guys, she could be a little…forward. One time she started casually dating one of my friends. Within a few days, she was posting pictures of them together on social media and talking about him like they were in a serious relationship. It totally freaked him out, so he ran. Who wouldn't?

Guys are made to be leaders. We want to pursue you. Don't make it so easy for us. If you like a guy but he isn't doing anything about it, resist forcing the relationship. You can manipulate yourself into a situation but it won't work. Have patience. Trust God's timing. Don't rush it. Let him pursue you. Feel free to give subtle signs that you are into him (we find these very helpful)...but don't lead the relationship for him.

If a guy is not making the move, then he is not ready or mature enough to lead you spiritually in a relationship. Again, have patience. It's better to be single and waiting for the right guy than being with the WRONG GUY when the RIGHT GUY shows up.

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