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Seeing Ourselves from the Outside In

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I have just returned from attending my 30 year high school reunion.  People warned me before I went that this once a decade ritual is usually nothing more than an opportunity for the “have nots” to pretend they have achieved more than their fellow classmates.  As for the people who do have an abundance of milestones to brag about, they are usually content to sit back and listen to these heavily inflated tales of triumph.

At this particular reunion I discovered that the girls who were once the prettiest in school are now very ordinary looking.  And the girls who were once ordinary are now the beautiful ones.  As for the men, the stereotypes held true.  The jocks were looking a little jowly while the average Joe’s seemed to be fit and trim and in possession of all their hair.

One particular classmate I hoped to get an update on was Rudy.  At an earlier reunion, he had plopped himself down beside me and proceeded to tell me what a wonderful job he had.  When I inquired into what he was doing, Rudy began to beam from ear to ear.

“Why, I’m the night janitor at McDonalds.  I certainly can’t complain.  They pay me five dollars per hour, I get one week of vacation every year, and I even have benefits!”

I thought he was joking.  I pressed him a bit to tell the truth but he was resolute.  Rudy was completely satisfied with his job.  But more importantly he was satisfied with who he was.

When I didn’t see Rudy at this year’s reunion I sought out Ned, who had been his best friend in high school.  Perhaps he knew what had happened to our class’s favorite custodian.

“Oh, he is still at McDonalds,” Ned explained.  “As a matter of fact, I think he is working tonight.  Still in the same job … night janitor.  He has been there for 22 years.  That’s just who Rudy is.  He doesn’t want for a lot.”

As I drove away from the reunion that evening I couldn’t help but think that who we are on the inside is often very different than whom we are on the outside.  From a societal standpoint, Rudy’s career has not produced much fruit.  But I have no idea who he is on the inside.  He may be the most content person on the planet or at least on the coast of Maine. 

I would like people to think that I am very successful in my profession as well as in my personal life.  At the reunion, whenever anyone asked me what I had been up to I had my well oiled, carefully crafted response cued up and ready to go.

“Well, I’m glad you asked.  I am the Director of Internet Programming for the Christian Broadcasting Network.  In fact, I have been working in the communications field for 26 years.  Not many people can say they are working in the same field they started in.  I married my college sweetheart nearly 25 years ago and we have an energetic 11 year old son.”

That is who I am on the outside but is it truly who I am on the inside?  Out of our insecurity we sometimes want people to think we are more successful than we really are.  These declarations of status serve as a sort of mask for us to wear.  Yes, what I wrote above is true but there is much more to who I am than that, some of it not successful.

For example, I am afraid of my cell phone.  I don’t like to fly.  I am terrified of not having some activity planned for my days off.  I am in love with Jesus but am uncomfortable with raising my hands above my head in worship.  On and on it goes.  It is important to note that this is also part of who I am.

What it all comes down to is that we all have an unquenchable desire to be known.  We want the respect of our peers, the satisfaction that people talk about us in positive terms.  Despite all of our personal foibles welling just beneath the surface, there is that innate craving for people to know who we are.  My friend Marcus Ryan has written an entire book about this concept called “Restless Journey”.

To illustrate, I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw my classmate Dan at the reunion.  Not blessed with a chiseled body or movie star good looks, Dan falls more in more in line physically with the Pillsbury dough boy with the awkward mannerisms to match.  But here he was, thirty years removed from the teasing and taunts, sporting a t-shirt that simply said “Dork”.  But is this who Dan really is on the inside?  Not in the least.  I know for a fact that it is not.  He is one of the most benevolent, caring, God-loving men that I know.  Dan and his wife run a foster home for abused children.  And he loves each and every child as if they are his own.  Dan is a beautiful person on the inside.  He has accepted what people see on the outside but has welcomed people in to see who he really is on the inside … emotionally, compassionately, and spiritually.

One of my favorite passages of scripture comes from the Old Testament book of I Samuel.  In chapter 16, verse seven, the Lord says to Israel’s last great judge, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him.  For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Saul was tall and handsome.  Judging by his sentiments, Samuel may have been trying to find someone who looked like Saul to be Israel’s next king but God warned him against judging by appearance alone.  When people judge by outward appearances only, they may overlook quality individuals who lack the particular physical qualities that society seems to love.* 

Jesus furthers this concept in when he told a group of Pharisees, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts.  For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God.”

Most people spend hours and hours each week trying to maintain or change their outward appearance and image.  In truth, they should be spending that time working to develop their inner character.  While everyone knows what you look like and appear to be on the outside, only God knows what your heart really looks like.  It is important to remember that God judges by faith and character, not by appearance.*

I for one am pleased when God shows me a glimpse of a person’s heart rather than what they have accomplished professionally or personally.  Rudy and Dan are a testament to that.

What steps are you taking to improve your heart’s attitude?


* Portions contained within this article from the Tyndale Study Bible.

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About The Author

Chris
Carpenter

Chris Carpenter is the program director for CBN.com, the official website of the Christian Broadcasting Network. He also serves as executive producer for myCBN Weekend, an Internet exclusive webcast show seen on CBN.com. In addition to his regular duties, Chris writes extensively for the website. Over the years, he has interviewed many notable entertainers, athletes, and politicians including Oscar winners Matthew McConaughy and Reese Witherspoon, evangelist Franklin Graham, author Max Lucado, Super Bowl winning coach Tony Dungy and former presidential hopefuls Sen. Rick Santorum and Gov. Mike