Making Marriage Last When Divorce is Trending 

Whether it is news of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's divorce, or news of divorce in our own families, many wonder how you can save a marriage before it leads to divorce papers.

Christian marriage counselor and psychology expert Dr. Linda Mintle believes most divorces are preventable.

Often marital stress is the first step on a long path toward divorce, leaving a husband and wife distant and emotionally exhausted.

That is why Mintle believes the first step off that path is to rediscover the foundation of marriage: friendship.

"If you want to protect your marital relationship from stress, build your friendship," she writes. "The strength of the marital friendship will serve you well when stress and change become a part of your family life."

Mintle suggests fighting the dark cloud of marital stress by simply having fun with your spouse.

"Focus on things you admire and respect about your spouse. Get to know your spouses' interests, stay positive, talk, have fun together and enjoy each other's company," she says. 

However, sometimes the tension in a marriage can become too severe for friendship to heal, requiring a third party to counsel them before bitterness takes root.

"One of the main reasons couples divorce is because they wait too long to get help," she says. 

Mintle says two predictors of divorce are 1.) when couples remain upset after a disagreement and 2.) when most of their communication is negative and hurtful.

"If they ruminate about arguments and can't turn off their upset, they are more likely to divorce," Mintle says. "We know that when couples engage in whining, criticism, irritation, resentment, accusations, etc., the relationship will turn negative."

"The escalation of negativity takes a progressive path towards emotional distance," she said. "Emotional distance predicts divorce."

But Mintle believes a counselor can help reset a failing marriage. 

"Receiving formal feedback regarding a couple's progress in therapy has been shown to lower separation and divorce rates," she writes. 

But she cautions couples from using therapy as a time to fix each other instead of themselves. 

"The truth is you can't control others, but you can control your response to others," she writes. "Focus on your reaction to a problem, change that, and the relationship changes."