Kristin Depola: Finding the Father Heart of God

I’m Kristin Depola, and ten years ago my life changed dramatically. We used to go on date night once a month. I remember just feeling like a princess because I was with daddy, and we had so much fun just eating and playing together, and it was great. I just always felt so incredibly loved.

The day that my dad passed away, I remember waking up because I had just had a dream. I remember seeing my dad, and somebody was cradling him, kinda like a baby. But it was just kind of like this bright white light, which I assumed it was God.

We went to the funeral … and then I just started crying. I was like, “God, please I will do anything. I will do anything. I’ll be, you know, the best little girl that I can be. I’ll do my homework. All the promises that I promised You from before, I’ll do them. I promise ... just please bring him back, please don’t do this to me."

And that’s when I was just like it’s never going to be the same. And that’s when I realized that I needed God more than ever, but I hated Him more than ever at the same time. Because it was God’s fault. He took him, and He wouldn't give him back.

And I was like, “You know what, I want my dad. No one else is going to make my life better. I hate God, I hate my mom, I hate everyone."

Right after I graduated high school, I found out that the guy my mom had been dating for the past four years was going to marry her. And he had a son.

So basically, I was going to go off to college and my mom told me, "You know we’re going to get married, and his son is going to move in."

In my mind I heard, “I’m getting married, they’re moving in because you’re moving out. I don’t want you. I have a new husband, I have a new child, and you’re done..."

And then all of a sudden I was like, “Oh no, God hates me again, and I don’t like him very much etiher." And then this guy started pursuing me.

When we first started being sexually active, the very first encounter was forced on me. I definitely invited it, and then I freaked out and said, "I don’t want to do this…"

By this time, I had had everything stripped from me ... my family, my purity, God, everything. I had nothing but this guy. I would do whatever it was that I had to do.

It was a very short time between when I found out that I was pregnant and I realized that I was done with the relationship. I gave the baby up for adoption and gave it to the family...

Several months afterward, I went to a prayer meeting at my aunt’s house and at this meeting, I just knew that I was absolutely desperate for God, and I didn’t have any idea how to find Him.

Some of the women came and started praying over me, and it just hit my spirit, and I just started breaking down. And God just began to literally erupt everything that had happened in my life.

It was absolutely life changing -- not necessarily because of anything anyone said, but because of how much I felt God. And I hadn’t felt God in years.

And God was just so amazing in completely healing me. He went from being so unattainable to being right beside me. And I went from feeling like I was dying to having so much life to give and not understanding why but knowing that God rescued me.