God Allows U-Turns: Righting a Wrong
Each year, on my way to and from having my annual physical, I have to drive by the store where it happened—more than fifteen years ago.
And with each visit to the doctor, not only do I pray I will get a clean bill of health, but I also ask God to forgive me for what I did in that store. Although I knew I was forgiven the first time I had sincerely asked God to forgive me ( ), I still had a hard time forgiving myself.
That day, fifteen years ago, I had been shopping in a department store and saw two dresses on the same rack that I liked. Both originally had been the same price, but one was now marked down 50 percent.
I took the dresses into the dressing room, and after trying on both, I fell in love with the full-priced dress. The problem was, I had just enough money for the sale-priced dress. So while still in the dressing room, I convinced myself the clerks meant to mark down the full-priced dress also, and then boldly proceeded to switch the price tags.
And year after year, when I drove past the store, I struggled anew with my memory. I had never done anything like that before or since, and the guilt was so strong, I could never bring myself to even wear the dress!
But on this trip to visit the doctor, my thoughts weren't about the store and the dresses; I was too concerned about a second breast lump I had recently discovered. It was in the same location as a lump surgically removed the year before, and I was in hopes that this one would also be benign.
What if it is cancer? What if I only have a few months to live?
The closer I got to the doctor's office, the more apprehensive I became. I had assumed since the previous lump had been cancer free, this one would be, also. But what if it wasn't?
Would God bless me with a clean bill of health a second time?
Until now, I hadn't allowed myself to even consider a bad report. Fear began to consume me as I gripped the steering wheel and held my breath.
"God, help me," I cried out loud.
It immediately dawned on me that I had been in such a hurry that morning, I had neglected my quiet time with the Lord. I knew I needed the peace only God can give—but first I needed to ask Him for it.
Father, I prayed, I am afraid of the worst happening. Please fill me with your peace. I ask that this lump, too, would be benign, but I know you will be with me no matter what the outcome.
Relaxing my grip, I took a deep breath and placed the outcome into God's hands.
During the examination, the doctor immediately confirmed there was a cyst. "I'd like you to try something this time," he suggested.
"Sure!" I eagerly replied, thrilled at the prospect of no surgery.
"Many times these lumps are caffeine-related, and in some body chemistries, even a small amount can cause benign lumps to form. These cysts, as you know, can be difficult to accurately diagnose without surgery. So no caffeine for six weeks, then come back and we'll see if the cyst is gone."
Ugh.
The first few days were tough—I stopped all caffeine intake, switching to decaffeinated coffee and even giving up chocolate! Miraculously though, within three days I could no longer feel the lump.
Returning to the doctor's office six weeks later, I was thrilled when he confirmed that the cyst had, indeed, disappeared.
"We'll schedule a mammogram as a precautionary measure," he added.
A few days after my mammogram, I walked toward the receptionist's desk. Noticing an X ray clipped to the light panel, I stopped to peer at the image. "Is that mine?" I asked the technician who was standing nearby.
"Oh, no, no, no," she quickly replied, vehemently shaking her head, "and be grateful it isn't. Of course, we'll have to send this off for an official reading, but—it doesn't look good," she added, with a hint of concern in her voice.
Using the tip of an ink pen, she pointed to an off-white glob of cells that my untrained eyes hadn't noticed before.
My feet didn't want to move as I stared at the image of that tiny mass of cells—cells that had the potential to claim a life.
My heart quickly filled with compassion as I realized that very soon, some woman unknown to me but known to God, would be informed her life was about to be drastically altered.
Lord, I prayed silently, please comfort this woman who will soon be learning she has cancer. Give her the strength and courage she'll need to fight this battle, and please encourage her friends and loved ones to help her through it.
My lighthearted mood of just moments earlier had quickly sobered as I got into my car and started for home. I couldn't get my mind off the fact the two cysts I'd had could just as easily have been full of cancer instead of fluid.
Father, except for your grace, that X ray could have been mine. I thank you for my health, and I want to do something to honor you and show my appreciation.
At that moment I stopped at a red light. I gazed over to my right and realized I was beside the store where I had switched the tags long ago.
I knew what I had to do.
I drove into the store parking lot, parked the car, and dug out my checkbook. Already the burden from the guilt of fifteen years was lifting as I wrote out a check for the difference in price of the two dresses, including some extra for interest.
Saying a quick prayer for courage, I went inside and sought the manager.
After I spilled out my story, I tried to thrust the check into a very surprised manager's hand, intent on quickly exiting the store. But the manager didn't want to take it.
Momentarily speechless, she finally said, "This really isn't necessary."
"But you don't understand," I continued, still holding out the check, "I have to right this wrong."
With a huge smile spreading across her face, she finally accepted the check, admitting I had made her day.
I smiled broadly back at her—finally at peace over having done the right thing.
Sitting in my car before leaving the store parking lot, I reflected on that time period in my life when I had switched those tags. I was not a Christian then, but I became one shortly after.
I was suddenly overcome with gratitude at the realization of how I might have lived a selfish life full of misery and regret had I not found God. The list of blessings He has bestowed on me since I began to follow Him seems almost endless.
I began to weep tears of relief and appreciation. I knew I was undeserving of such a happy, fulfilled life, and thanked God for saving a wretch like me. As I started my car, I wiped my eyes and whispered out loud, "But for the grace of God ... go I."
Excerpted from God Allows U-Turns for Women compiled by Allison Bottke (with Cheryl Hutchings)
Copyright © 2006; ISBN 0764201816 Published by Bethany House Publishers
Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.
