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Making Healthy Relationship Choices in an Unhealthy World

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Author of several books, her latest: Prude: Misconceptions of a Neo-Virgin, Red Arrow, 2016

Blogger/Writer

Her articles have appeared in Glamour, The Huffington Post, etc

Has spoken about sex and love worldwide on TV, radio and schools throughout the UK

Originally from London

Completed ministry training

Works as pastor at Bethel Church, Redding, CA

WHAT’S A NEO-VIRGIN?
Carrie, 36, was raised in a Christian home with parents who were Baptist ministers.  She attended church but says she did not have a relationship with Jesus.  “I knew there had to be something beyond the flesh,” she says.  In her effort to understand the things of God, Carrie complicated the gospel of love with His wrath from about the age of 8,  “My fear grew from there,” says Carrie.  “And I became a frightfully religious…”  Growing up, Carrie was teased about her stance on abstinence.  By the time she entered high school, she was infamous with the boys at the neighboring school as one of the last remaining virgins.  Once her photo was pinned to the school notice board.  She was the target to see which boy could get her to lose her virginity.  Her peers didn’t feel the same way she did.  “No one wanted to save it for one person,” says Carrie.  “This subtle prejudice toward my choices made me more determined to hold out.”

Her interest in boys grew stronger but Carrie still had no plans to have sex. Still the questions went unanswered: Was I beautiful? Did my morality matter?  Carrie reminds us about the 60s sexual revolution where “free” love meant there was no basis for love. “The more we accepted that sex didn’t need to be based in love, the more we began to focus on our needs rather than someone else’s,” she says.  Meanwhile, women were fighting for someone to love them.  “I call this the curse of Eve,” says Carrie.  The curse says, “Everything will be redeemed once I have found my husband,” and that a woman will be happier having found her purpose. 

THE DECADENT DAYS
Carrie was 18 when her father underwent a serious heart operation so severe it almost killed him and left him with some brain damage.  In his effort to deal with his pain, Carrie’s dad began to drink.  “Seeing my preacher papa enter into substance abuse caused me to question everything he taught,” says Carrie.  “What happened to relying on God?”  When she was 23, Carrie’s dad passed away.  One night Carried decided to walk away from God.  She was mad at God and men and started on the path of hurting others.  Several years later, Carrie had several physical relationships and reached the lowest point of her life since her father died.  She prayed to God and heard an inaudible voice that said, I’ve been here all along.  Carrie realized that God had never left her.  She began to read Scripture and got to church.  She dropped the victim mentality.  At the time, she was in a relationship with Caleb.  As her new conviction grew stronger, Carrie asked to try abstinence in their relationship.   They continued to date but Carrie, thinking she was helping matters, turned to pornography to stave off any temptation. “I didn’t think it was harming anyone,” says Carrie.  “That was a lie.”  Her eyes were opened when she began volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center.  “The more I began counseling….the more damage I saw from the modern-day world of an overly sexualized culture,” says Carrie.  In her early 30s, Carrie moved past her short-lived porn addiction and her missionary work began to take full flow.  After 5 years dating Caleb, they finally broke up.

Over time Carrie learned how to forgive.  She forgave her father for his alcohol abuse near the end of his life; she forgave past boyfriends who were clueless about real love; and she forgave herself for doing the best she could.  “Walking through pain was the only way to forgiveness,” she says.

Guest Name / Person Interviewed or Featured in Article or Video: 
Carrie Lloyd
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