FOUR DECISIONS

Right from the introduction of her book, Arlene states clearly that she can’t promise to make marriage easy, but can offer a number of tools to make it easier, which have worked for her and her husband, James.  “Since neither of us are superheroes, sinless saints, or emotionless robots, what we’ve learned in the past twenty-five years about creating a happy marriage can be replicated by anyone – and that’s good news.”  Arlene shares four decisions they made which have helped them build a good marriage, ones she believes will help anyone.
 
Decision 1: “Play by the rules.  Pre-decide what you will and won’t do.  Don’t follow feelings; follow the commands of God.”  The Pellicanes’ rules include such things as eating together every day, having no taboo topics for discussion, learning new things, and prioritizing marriage over children, appreciating the physical aspect of marriage, speaking kindly and listening well, and staying committed for life. 

Decision 2: “Give thanks every day.  Marriage is about appreciating what and who you have, giving thanks always to God.”

Decision 3: “Serve your spouse.  Ask, ‘What can I do for you?’ instead of ‘What have you done for me?’”

Decision 4: “Take fun seriously.  Be playful again.  Laughing and having fun is what brought you together and it will help keep you together.”
 
NOTHING UNSPOKEN

“Marriage should be a safe space for open, honest, dialogue,” Arlene says.  “Unresolved issues and emotions can lead to doubt, disappointment, and resentment.  Engaging in difficult conversations can lead to greater understanding when couples pray beforehand and present concerns with humility.” 

An opportunity for such a conversation took place when she and James were dating, while graduate students at Regent University.  As they sat holding hands near the ocean, he told her he wanted to talk about something … but wasn’t sure how to do it.  Assuming it was something romantic, Arlene assured him that he could say anything at all to her.  Then out of his mouth came the words, “Arlene, have you ever thought of electrolysis?”  He then explained that it would quickly take care of the few little hairs above her lip.  Shocked and embarrassed, she stared in disbelief.  Though that night ended a bit awkwardly, Arlene soon made an appointment and took care of the issue.  She says that spoke volumes to James about her willingness to listen and respond to any issue he wanted to bring up.  Twenty-six years and countless conversations later, they continue to give each other the freedom to share honestly - and kindly - anything on their hearts.
 
CHILDREN IN THE MIX  

“Prioritize your marriage over the kids.”  This statement could easily be misunderstood, so Arlene explains what she means.  “Your kids should be important, just not all-important.  When faced with the choice between pleasing your kids or pleasing your spouse, you want to pick your spouse.  A strong marriage is one of the

greatest gifts you can give your children.  Kids pick up cues from their environment intuitively, and if there is trouble between Mom and Dad, their world will collapse.  But it’s not just an absence of arguing or tension that kids need.  It’s the daily proof that Mom and Dad love each other that anchors kids emotionally and allows them to venture out into the world with confidence.  Keeping your marriage a priority is an integral part of good parenting.” 
 
FINDING HAPPINESS

“If you are looking for your spouse to fill your happiness bucket, you will always be disappointed,” Arlene believes.  “It’s easy to say, ‘If my spouse would change, then I would be happy.’ That makes your current state of mind your spouse’s fault and absolves you of any responsibility. You’re off the hook. You don’t have to change. You don’t have to self-reflect. You don’t have to confess sin to God. All the work is on your spouse’s side of the table. This level of fulfillment is something only God can give. He is the source of our joy and happiness.”
 
TAKE FUN SERIOUSLY

Having fun together seems to come naturally in dating, Arlene, points out, but can get lost in the busyness of life.  Her advice is to make it a priority, just like more serious values.  “Now I don’t expect you to whistle like a fool all day or blush each time your beloved comes home.  But I do want you to place value on having fun.  Fun isn’t just for kids, star-crossed lovers, or couples with disposable income.  We all need a little playfulness in regular doses to make marriage easier.  Laughing and having fun is what brought you together in the first place and it can help keep you together in the years ahead.” 

Arlene highly recommends taking trips as a way to enjoy one another and make memories.  “Vacations don’t have to be expensive,” she says.  “Within four hours of driving, you most likely have somewhere fun to visit, whether it’s an historical site or a picturesque lake.  Don’t let the price of things keep you from planning something.”  She adds some advice in this day of ubiquitous cell phones.  “You don’t want to view your entire vacation through your phone lens or the lens of social media.  Vacation is about being together with your spouse, not about documenting what you are doing with your spouse to impress strangers on social media.” 

To find out more about Arlene Pellicane and purchase her book Making Marriage Easier click the LINK!

CREDITS

Bestselling author, Making Marriage Easier (Moody, 2025) / author of several other books, including Parents Rising, and Screen Kids, co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman / speaker on marriage and family for conferences and events / host of the Happy Home podcast / spokesperson for National Marriage Week (February 7-14) / appeared on many media outlets, including The Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, Family Life Today, and the Wall Street Journal / BA from Biola University, MA from Regent University / happily married to James for 26 years, three children: Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy  

Casey and Jen Washington struggled to make ends meet shortly after they got married in 2011. By 2014, they accrued a mounting credit card debt of $50,000.

“We were roughly $10,000 in debt from the wedding and the honeymoon.” Casey stated. “We were putting all living expenses on credit cards so just right off the bat, we started off our marriage in debt.” “It was very slow at the beginning,” Jen expressed, “but then after that is when it really snowballed.”

Casey kept most of the debt hidden from Jen and started stock trading on the side. However, it only pulled him into a deeper hole, financially and mentally.

“I was consumed with waking up at 4:00AM stock trading.” Casey said. “I was consumed with getting myself out of this mess that I created, it was taking all attention away from my family.”

Casey developed severe anxiety and suffered from a serious panic attack that put him in the hospital. With Jen and his dad at his side, he disclosed the debt.

“Laying all of this out there that I've been trying to deal with myself.” Casey spoke. “I knew we couldn't keep going down the same path we were going.” Jen expressed. “I knew we couldn't be as careless when it came to spending on the little things. We had to be more intentional on what we spent money on and on what we needed versus wanted.”

The following Sunday, they went to church where the pastor asked those to stand who needed healing. Casey stood up and made the decision that he was going to start seeking God for answers and direction for his financial and mental situation.

“My wife puts her hand on me.” Casey said. “I'm crying and thinking, God, please just take this from me…I felt relief and anxiety leave my body. I felt like things were changing and I just felt a sense of change coming over me.”

Casey and Jen participated in a churchwide 21-day fast that encouraged them to start tithing.

“We talked together about how we really need to start tithing.” Jen stated. “We were tithing here and there with our church, but that's when we made the decision to tithe the full 10% no matter what.” Casey expressed, “I don't know how it all really worked, but we never missed a payment on our bills. We were never behind, and we continued to make our tithes and I couldn't really tell you how that happened…it was a miracle.”

Casey sensed the Lord was telling him to sell their home to pay off their debts. They put their house on the market and an offer came in $53,000 over the asking price. It was the exact number they needed to pay off all their debts.

“I can't explain.” Casey said. “I mean, other than he had all the details worked out ahead of time.”

Today, the couple is debt free. Casey has received a promotion and a 20% raise. Casey and Jen are still faithfully tithing and trusting God every step of the way.

“Tithing was the solution to turning over the keys to my finances and the keys to my life.” Casey spoke. “He knows what to do with your finances and He knows what to do with your heart.” “He doesn't want our money.” Jen said. “He wants us and He wants our tithing to come from our hearts.”

Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive,” and we invite you to join in blessing others with your giving to CBN! Your faithful giving brings hope to the hopeless and the truth of God’s Word to millions of homes through The 700 Club! Help bring the love of Christ to the world when you become a CBN partner today!

“Tatum was in the other room getting changed out of her wedding dress,” recalls Jason Bilbro, “and I said out loud, ‘I just made the biggest mistake of my life.’” By the look of their wedding photos Jason and Tatum Bilbro should have a picture-perfect marriage. He was a career Navy officer who grew up in a strong Christian family. Tatum, who was a new Christian, had recently gone through a painful divorce and thought she found the spiritual partner she’d longed for. 

“I knew I wanted to marry a Christian,” says Tatum. “He knew all the right things to say and he knew all about the Bible, I was just head over heels in love with him very quickly.”

Jason wasn’t the spiritual man he projected. He had a secret life he wasn’t about to share with Tatum and right away he told her wanted out of the marriage. He says, “Being a preacher's kid, I knew all the stories and I could talk the talk. Um, and so I was really, I guess in some ways a wolf in sheep's clothing. I began to talk about divorce, like routinely, like, regularly. Like, it was, it was my answer. The constant thought in my head was, how do I end this so I can just go back to doing what I want? Really? Like in hindsight, like, I really lived in the darkness and I, and I didn't like the light that she represented."

Tatum wasn’t convinced divorce was the answer. She says, “I felt like the enemy had taken my first marriage, and so I didn't want him to take my second marriage. And so this faith rose up in me to fight. I'm gonna do everything I can. I'm gonna stand before the Lord and know I did what I could. And if I get divorced, then I'm divorced. But it's not because I didn't do my part. It's not 'cause I didn't try.'”

They eventually separated and Jason served Tatum divorce papers. During that time, Tatum found peace as she pressed into her relationship with Christ, still praying for a miracle. She says, "'Okay, God, but Your, Your word says that nothing's impossible with you. Like, you can do this.’ And I would, I would read the Bible and I’d say, ‘This is who You say You are.’ My prayer life really shifted from ‘God, will you save my marriage?’ to praying that Jason would, have, have what I had. I wanted him to have the freedom that I had, the peace that I had, the joy that I had. I knew that he was so tormented, and I really just wanted him to have peace. I would still have liked God to save my marriage, but it was not as important to me as him knowing Jesus, like I did.”

Jason lived in constant tension and internal conflict due to his secret addiction to online pornography. He recalls, “What I really, what I desired at the core of my being was connection. I wanted to be connected with Tatum, but I couldn't be connected with her because of my shame, because of what I was doing. Because to bring that into the light would be too painful. And so, the lie that I believed was that if I confessed, if I was vulnerable with her, that she, she could never love me, right? That's the, that's the lie of shame. Like, if you knew, if you really knew what was beneath here, what was going on in here, what I was doing behind closed doors, when you, when you weren't home, you couldn't love me, right? That's the, that's the lie. I didn't realize that. But that was the lie that I lived with, for, for the entirety of our marriage.”

Then one night he watched a YouTube video about pornography’s destructive effects on the human brain and intimacy. Jason stopped viewing porn and decided to tell Tatum his secret - even though he still wanted a divorce. He says, “What do you say to the person that you've made your worst enemy that you've, um, disparaged that you've, you know, tried to get away from for five years? And so I just blurted it out. I said, ‘I've been addicted to porn for 23 years.’”

Tatum remembers, “I'm going, oh, this fits, like, it felt like a puzzle piece that had been missing the whole time that I didn't know was missing. And I started, all the pieces started to come together for me.” 

Jason believed the marriage was at its end. But then one night, alone in his apartment, he prayed. “And I say, ‘God, I don't know. You're out there, if You're listening,’ I said, ‘but if it's Your desire for me to learn to love my wife, then I want to learn to love her. Like you love her and see her like you see her.’ And I said, 'amen.' The next morning when I woke up, everything had changed, everything. I've never quite found the words to explain what it's like to be born again. It's kind of like waking up in someone else's body.”

For the next month he didn’t want to leave Tatum’s side, sleeping on her couch and eventually winning back her trust. He says, “And I cannot express to you in words how overjoyed I was just to go and like, like be in her presence.”

“He was like gushing,” says Tatum, “Like he was so in love with me. He just wanted to be near me. It was very foreign, um, but you couldn't deny that it was something was very different. Jason was actually being honest, like with himself and with God for like, the first time in his life. And that, that was actually something to build on.”

They burned their divorce papers and rebuilt their relationship with Christ as the foundation: Thankful for the miracle of a restored life and marriage. Jason says, “She fought for me when I was, at my worst, you know, at my most unredeemable. Through her, you know, through her faith, through her persistence, through her trust in God, she got to see the miracle that she believed that He was capable of.”

Tatum says, “I would do it all again because going through that, I wouldn't know Jesus the way that I know him had I not gone through the hard things. So it was absolutely worth it. I'm very thankful.”

Jason and Tatum share their story and minister to other couples with their ministry, Broken Bonds Ministry. To learn more, please visit: www.brokenbondsministry.com.
 

It was a dark scene. It was chaos coming here, trees down, there's power lines down, there's houses that are still burning, and I just could only imagine what it looked like here. 
In my mind, I'm thinking it. It had to be. If that's gone, there's no way this could have survived.
 
“But in the back of my mind, I'm saying it's gonna be there. It's gonna be there.” Bryan, a victim, stated.
 
“I'm standing at the entrance of Brian's home. This is what's left of his childhood home.” Noted Gordon
 
The home that his mother lived in, that he and his son lived in. And as you can see, there is nothing left. And this is just one.
 
“I just passed through block after block of devastated homes, like a graveyard of homes. The only thing standing in memory is the chimney left from the fire.” Gordon continued.
 
Operation Blessing is on the ground here. We've been here since the beginning to let people know that we love them. We're providing food for them; we're providing hygiene kits and whatever it is they need.
Going forward we're identifying families just like Brian, where how can we help you get back on your feet?
 
“How can we help you rebuild businesses and have a life going forward. With your help, Operation Blessing will be able to do that.”
 
For those of you who have given, thank you, you're making such a huge difference for Brian's life, for the life of his young son and for lives of many of the residents here who have said, yes, we need help. We need to be able to rebuild our lives.  So, thank you for your giving and stay with us because
 
“We're going to be partnering with local churches to do even more. If you haven't joined with us, I encourage you to do so. Now it's simple. Just give to the Operation Blessing, disaster Relief Fund.”