- Okay, so Jamal Miller thank you so much

for being with us, for being a part

of this campaign Unhooked:Holy in a Hookup World,

but we are just gettingto the nitty-gritty

of what it's like to be a single Christian

in today's kind of crazy hookup culture,

so thank you for being with us.

- Absolutely, I'm honored to be here.

Thank you guys for having me.

- Of course, well let's go back to how you

and your wife met and your whole story.

So you guys waited tohave sex until marriage?

- We did, we did.

- So talk a little bit about that

and maybe give some advicefor people out there

who are striving to do the same,

but it's hard in today's culture.

- Just to kind of give a littlebit at the beginning journey

for us, my wife had waitedand I also had waited,

so when we met, we both made a decision,

hey we're gonna, really treasure

and value one another's decision.

But the next level was shehadn't even been kissed yet.

So I was like whoa, this is like a next,

I was like, I was good with no sex

but now, okay no kissing, all right.

(laughing)

All right crack your neck and just like.

I remember when we were downtown Chicago

and she told me and I was like, wow.

I was like, I gotta givethis to God because I prayed

for someone potentiallythat would have heart.

I had waited as well, but I didn't think

he would give me somebodywho hadn't been kissed.

And I was like, I wanna honor God.

And so that's the decision we made that

out of that conviction place

that we will keep that standard.

And as well on the practical side,

by us say we wont have sex

forced us to learn each other emotionally,

who we were as a person,who we were and our desires

in our likes, in ourstrengths, in our weaknesses.

It caused us to focus on ourperson versus our pleasure.

And I always say it takes twopeople to protect boundaries.

And a lot of times in relationships

it's one person who'sfighting to protect it,

and the other person is theone trying to get over it.

If that's the case,you're not going to win.

And so for us, the reason why we were able

to protect our boundaries,'cause we both wanted to do it.

Now, we had to have thosemoments when one was weak

one was strong, when the other was strong

the other was weak andwe helped each other

but we both wanted to be sexually pure.

And that was the decision thatI will say we were successful

because we both wanted it.

- Well, what would yousay to people out there

who may be are notvirgins, have not been pure

but are feeling the pulland the tug from the Lord

to really do it his way.

What would you say to people out there?

I would tell them the Bible says

what man considers impossible,God says is possible.

But I do want this person to know,

it's not going to be easy

because every line you cross

it makes it easier for you to do it again.

And so if you really aregoing to make a decision

to be sexually pure, you've gotta

make a decision as well,as what are the things

that we're going to makesure we put in place

to make sure we don't goback to that place again,

to where our flesh rises up

and now we're overtaken by desires.

So that would be hey,time together, alone,

potentially you need tobe in public together

as much as possible or with others,

who is aware of the relationship,

community support, leadership,

who are you checking in with

to let them know what you guys are up to,

what you guys are doing.

These are all the thingsyou can do to really

give God the room to keep you empowered

to be successful in yourdecision to be sexually pure.

- So you wrote a book,

"25 Ways to Prepare forMarriage Other Than Dating".

So tell us a little bit about that.

- My encouragement 'causeGod hit me with this

when I was in the beginning time

of really saying, God where's my wife?

I was single for quite a while,

wondering when she was gonna come,

how she was gonna come.

And one day I was like, God where is she?

And God said to me,"Jamal you're so focused

on getting married,

you have no idea what ittakes to stay married".

And when he said that to me and my spirit,

I really was like, GodI don't have anything

to say back to you, you're right.

Because I can tell you right now

everything I'm doing to get married.

(laughing)

But I can't even talk to you

about what I'm doing to stay married.

And that's when I went on that journey

of learning how to stay married

even before my wife was even in my life.

And so that's where the book

"25 Ways to Prepare forMarriage" came out of that season

of all the things thatI did in that season

that I felt the Lord leading me to do,

to prepare myself for marriage.

- Well, what were some of those things?

- So I encourage singles beforethey get in a relationship,

you should take time to heal

from the things that you have done

or have happened to you.

So you don't allow those things to come

into your relationship andgiving attention your season

to dealing with those wounds

and focusing on forgivingyourself and others

so that you don't allow those things

to truly impact your relationship.

So that's a very important one.

Another one is purpose.

You need to know who you are

because if you don't knowwho you are in relationship

then how are you gonna speak

into the person that you aremarrying into who they are

because you wanna make sure

that you're secure in you andthey're secure in themselves,

so together you can beyoked around God's purpose

for your future.

I believe purpose is thereason why God brings

two people together becausehe wants to take one purpose

another person's purpose andbring that thing together

and make it even bigger.

The Bible says it, onecan put 1005 to flight

two can put 10,000 to flight.

So I believe together acouple has so much more power

but there's no power,if there's no purpose.

- Something that you encourage singles is

to give God a year of their life.

So talk a little bit about that

and why you encourage them to do that?

- Well, because for me it's really a part

of my journey and mystory and my beginning,

I just had this huge epiphany

where I just saw myself,on my wedding day.

And God says, give me a year,

focus fully on me for oneyear, give me everything.

And he says, 'cause ifyou can't commit to me,

how are you gonna be ableto commit to a woman?

So by going to that year oftruly committing myself to God

and having that relationship with him

that was built on a solid foundation.

I didn't date, I didn'tflirt, I didn't text,

I didn't consider, if I would have met her

in that year I'd havebe like, hey I'm sorry,

this is the year I'm giving God the focus,

if you're still here after the year's over

maybe we can consider something right?

My main thing was sayingGod, I wanna prove to you

and to myself that I couldbe fully devoted to you

because I want God as my first lover,

I want him to be my firstlove, my first everything,

so that when I getmarried, my wife can know

that I'm a man submitted it to God.

So that was why that yearchallenge came from the Lord

and it changed the entiretrajectory of my life,

by committing to God for that year.

- So you know CBN's campaign

Unhooked: Holy in a Hookup World,

so we have a 40 day devotional where

we're asking people to doa 40 day intimacy fast.

kind of what you just talkedabout, about giving God a year.

We're asking people to give him 40 days.

So why do you think it'simportant for singles to do that?

- Well, fasting is so powerful

because I believe fastingof any kind accelerates you

in the thing that God is calling you to do

and to accomplish.

Because what it does is thatyou are purging yourself

of your desire and you'reletting God's desire

to begin to take rule

and reign in your heart and in your mind.

And so whenever you begin to deny yourself

which Paul says in thebook of 1 Corinthians,

he begins to beat hisbody into subjection.

When you begin to do that

you're literally telling yourbody, hey you don't rule me,

and that creates a place for self-control.

So that's the thing that I would say

the intimacy is so powerful

because naturally you're going to

desire certain types ofrelationships, right?

But to learn how to putthat thing into subjection

and say, no not this time,you don't need it right now.

No flirting, no texting, no calling,

right now you're gonnafocus on what you need most

which is more of God and moreof others in a healthy way.

It's gonna give you that abilityto now have full control,

so when it's time for you tobe in a healthy relationship

you can do it the right way.

- Jamal thank you

so much for being with us- Yes, thank you so much

- Yeah, thank you for just being a part

of this campaign and sharing

your wisdom and advice, so thank you.

- I appreciate it, it's an honor.

(upbeat music)