Abuse Victim Sheds Shackles of Past for Eternal Love

Ruben says, “I was ‘the man.’ I was like this person with all the girls and the partying and stuff like that." But inside I just felt no hope. No hope for my life.”

Ruben remembers, “When I was five I was sexually molested. That really put me into a confused kind of state. I felt rejection and I felt no love. I just felt alone.”

“When I was in sixth grade, I started getting involved in gang life and feeling accepted, feeling wanted, feeling like I have a purpose there. My mom pulled me out of school to go into a program you know, she thought would help me.”

Ruben says, “It was like a church, very loving, and they accept me the way I was. There was no sense of rejection. That was when I felt like, ‘Wow, you know what? If this is what God is, I want it.’ I completely gave my life to Christ in total commitment to him. I just was loving it and just wanted more and more but I began to notice something was wrong.”

Ruben remembers, “Televised attacks against the ministry. People started leaving; the church started splitting apart. I was so angry cause I didn't understand. We were a family. It's like, ‘Why is this happening, when I finally give myself to you, Lord, and I look to you to give me a sense of purpose and a hope from a life of great trauma.’ It just crushed me and I just went into a deeper sense of rebellion.”

"The only family I know to go back to is my gang life." And I just went right back into it but even worse than before. Partying, drinking, women, sex. On the outside it looked like I was having fun, but on the inside I felt there's nothing above this. And I just felt ‘I'm going to die doing this. I have no future, no hope.”

Ruben says, “Eventually I left the gang. I was looking for this love and acceptance and some women were mentioning that, you know, I should become a male stripper and I just kinda, took the idea and kinda wasn't sure, but I said, "Hey, you know, let me give it a shot. I found myself uh really enjoying that life, going into the nightclubs and dancing and just having women. I felt like, ‘Man, I am somebody. I do feel accepted. I am wanted. I do feel loved.’ But in a sense, deep down inside I knew this is not right. I still felt empty. Something deep down inside said, ‘This is not it and there's something more, there has to be something more.’”

“At one of my shows. I heard God's voice saying, ‘Come back. Come home.  This is not what I have for you.’ I quit cause I-I felt that brief moment of his love and his voice but not fully surrendering. Still being with women intimately, but trying to seek God.  It's like you're struck in a rock and a hard place.”

“I felt myself coming to the end of myself.  I really knew that I was hitting rock bottom. I remember one morning, God really speaking to me and saying, ‘are you ready to come home? Are you ready to surrender your life to me completely?’
I said, ‘God, I'm stuck. I don't know how to get out of this life.  I'm so – I dug myself so deep in a hole that God, I don't – I want to serve you, but I don't know how to get out. If you're willing, please save me. Save me.’

Ruben remembers, “I felt the love, the acceptance, the joy, I felt it all like in just one moment of just making a true-hearted decision. Like signing yourself uh on a contract and saying, there aint no turning back and I knew that from this day forth (SLIGHT LAUGH) that I knew God had a plan and a purpose for my life and I sealed the deal.  And it felt good going forward into a new life.”

“I remember there was still a process. God began to deliver me from the desires of sexual addiction. And I didn't want those things anymore. It wasn't easy but I knew that it was through Him that I could do all things. That's when my life began to really, really change for the better.”

“I see a God that came to me in the midst of my brokenness, and he gave me life. He gave me hope. When I found Jesus, I found acceptance. I found love and He is Love.”

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