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Marriage 911 06/12/17

Five Admissions that Lead to a Better Life

Contemplative young man

Pilots have a saying, Clear and Visibility Unlimited (CAVU). This is the perfect situation; they can see forever and subsequently can use not only their instruments, but also their vision.

Truth be known, most of us function on a day-to-day basis with very little visibility. With no instruments as a true backup and sure source of vision, we rely on what we can see and know. This source of information is faulty.

While scripture tells us, "the truth will set you free," most of us have cloudy vision caused by denial. We have blind spots, places we would rather not tell ourselves the truth. Hence, we stumble along, often making mistake after mistake.

To get help for your marriage from Dr. Hawkins and his qualified staff, please visit The Marriage Recovery Center website or call 206-219-0145.

Perhaps that is why scripture implores us to maintain healthy friends who will offer us feedback, especially when facing difficult times.

"A friend loves at all time and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17)

Consider a client of mine, Zach.

"I feel confused about what to do," he said, lamenting his separation from his spouse. "She wants me back, but I am scared to death to go back to her."

I was a little surprised to hear about Zach's misgivings. At age 32 and married only 10 years, he and his wife were experiencing serious marital issues.

"You've heard the saying, "When it's good, it's really good, and when it's bad, we can't fix it. I just don't know what to do. My head is spinning."

"What kind of help have you gotten?" I asked.

"None really," he said slowly. "I don't know what anyone can tell me. I have to figure this out on my own."

"Wait a second," I said. "You've not gotten any previous professional help?"

"Nope," he said. "I figure that if I can't figure it out on my own, no one else is going to be able to help me."

"Zach," I said. "We all need people to come around us and help us. We need pastors, friends, and even professional counselors. We can't figure life out on our own. Our best thinking is often cloudy, distorted, and confused. Haven't you seen that in your life?"

I paused and looked at him.

"Can I share a bit more with you?" I asked.

"Sure," he said.

"We can't see far ahead on our own. We have multiple blind spots. We are all in one form of denial or another. If you're like me, you tell yourself you can figure things out on your own when that is not the truth. You see only what you can see, obviously, while others can look into your life and see what you can't see. Does that make sense?"

"I suppose," he said cautiously.

"I want to strongly suggest you establish what I call a '360 Degree Circle of Accountability.' Let me explain what that means."

1. Admit you have blind spots and need assistance.

If you don't admit you have blind spots and are vulnerable to temptation and trouble, you won't recognize a need for assistance. If you see yourself as vulnerable, you will invite caring people into your life.

2. Admit that these blind spots will be your undoing, in one form or another.

You must admit these blind spots have power over you and can lead to making poor decisions. Scripture tells us, "Plans go wrong for lack of advice. Many advisors bring success" (Proverbs 15:22). We need many wise people willing to share their wisdom with us.

3. Admit you need accountability for every critical aspect of your life.

It won't be enough for there to be advisors in only some areas of our life. We need advisors in many areas of our life. It may be one or two who know about critical aspects of our life and it may be many. The key is to have the entirety of our life covered with accountability.

4. Admit that accountability involves someone knowing every aspect of your life.

Advisors cannot advise unless they know. We must be willing, open, and transparent to valued and trusted others.

5. Admit that this '360 Degree Circle of Accountability' has influence over your life.

We must allow these key people to speak into our lives. We must give them the ability to influence us, holding back nothing to those we've entrusted to hold us accountable for growth and godliness.

Are you ready for full accountability? If you would like more information on having accountability and want greater counsel, we are here to help.

Share your feedback below or send a confidential note to me at [email protected]. Read more about The Marriage Recovery Center on my website www.marriagerecoverycenter.com. You'll find videos and podcasts on saving a troubled marriage, our special Marriage Intensives, codependency and affair-proofing your marriage.

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