Unwelcome Matchmakers, Faith in Dating, & Interracial Relationships
This Week’s Give Away Winner!
Do you have questions about the singles life? Relationships? The Bible? Purity? Life issues? Post your questions to the blog and for two more weeks, we’ll draw names each week and the lucky winner will receive an autographed copy of either Julie’s or Lee’s book! Each Thursday, we’ll post winners and contact you with information for claiming your prize!
This week’s winner was a no-brainer. Our single participant (no pun intended), “GodIsLove,” the one who posted the question last week, is the winner of Lee’s book, Single Servings: 90 Devotions to Feed your Soul. Please visit this link to claim your prize (send me a note with your contact info): http://www.julieferwerda.com/Contact.htm
GodIsLove writes: How do I deal or respond to well meaning but unwelcome and persistent matchmakers?
Julie writes: While this can be annoying, try to remember that these people are only trying to help because they care about you. Based on your description, here are a few ideas:
The next time your matchmaking friends pop the subject, be prepared. Hand them a specific list of the must-have qualities you’re looking for in a mate. Then, the next time they bring someone up (if they dare), you can say, well, how does “Johnny” compare to my list? Does he (fill in the blanks)? If they can’t answer yes, it’s either because Johnny doesn’t fit the bill or they don’t know. Then tell them you’d appreciate them sticking to the list, finding out answers before mentioning match possibilities to you.
If you want to have a little fun with it (snicker) and you REALLY don’t want any of their suggestions, put some things on the list that would be impossible for them to come up with. “Johnny must have a reptile collection that includes an albino alligator, a Sinai Agama lizard, and a baby tuatara (these are all rare reptiles and should be a hint to them that you are not interested in their help with finding a mate).
For another approach, try sitting these people down in a focused manner and directly telling them kindly that you appreciate their efforts and what they are trying to do for you, and that you know they care, but that you’d really prefer to find your own romantic interest. Assure them that you are not pining away for a mate (this is why some people feel such a need to find you a match), and that you are content to be alone until you find that special someone on your own.
Of course, if you are too shy or uncomfortable with the direct approaches above, you can always ignore their suggestions, change the subject, and hope that eventually they will get the hint.
Delving into April archives, Celeste writes: Is it scriptural for Christians to date, especially online? Is this making provision for yourself or really faith at work? Also, is it a sin to date outside your race?
Julie writes: If you are not comfortable with online dating, that’s okay. You should never do something that doesn’t fit your personality or preferences. As far as being scriptural, there are not hard fast dos and don’ts for dating or courtship except the timeless commands to be pure and undefiled by sexual immorality. This means not to use others for personal gratification but to honor them as sisters and brothers in Christ. If we follow this command alone, our dating lives will look quite different than the world’s. A godly relationship should look more like a good friendship until marriage.
Personally, I believe that as long as we are ultimately submitted to God’s will for our lives, we have plenty of liberty for knocking on doors and seeking opportunities. God is very gracious and gives us plenty of “leash” as long as we consult Him for decisions and don’t charge ahead without asking for continued guidance. Of course, if you feel that waiting for God to bring someone to you is best for you, that could be something He has laid on your heart. But we must always be gracious to realize that God works differently in all His children’s lives, because we are all in our own faith process. There’s surely an argument to be made for waiting on God in faith for provision, but sometimes there is a little bit of both—His provision and our action. Even in the biblical case of Ruth, she had put herself into the Lord’s hands for provision, but she also went to the feet of Boaz to offer herself to him as a wife.
As far as dating outside one’s race, it is absolutely not a sin. The only “race” that matters is that we are of the family of God, and two people should never be unequally yoked in matters of faith. Having said that, it is unfortunate that in our world full of racism and bigotry, two people of differing races will face many challenges from the world around them. As they have kids, they will pass these challenges onto their kids. There can also be cultural differences and customs that are hard to overcome, but it all surely can be overcome if a couple goes in with eyes wide open and they are ready to face the challenges with God’s help.