Sex and the Lie of Secrecy
It goes something like this: “Nobody has to know. I can go on as if this didn’t happen and I will soon be able to put it behind me.”
I remember trying to maintain this lie in my past, from moderate inappropriate behavior with men, to more serious offenses. But I soon found that it was about as successful as crashing my car and pretending it didn’t happen. The difference is that, with a car, you can’t hide the damage. But when it comes to a head on collision with sexual sin, the damages and injuries are largely unseen, so we try to walk away and convince ourselves we are unscathed.
This happened to someone in the Bible once, too. Nobody would have expected such scandalous behavior (adultery and murder to try to cover it up) from this otherwise upstanding, church-going, communion serving, Sunday school class teaching believer. King David thought he could walk away from the accident and hide the damage, but that didn’t happen.
A prophet of the Lord came to David and told him a seemingly true story of a terrible injustice in the kingdom. The object of the injustice was something near to David’s heart—a man’s pet lamb (read the story in 2 Samuel 12:7-14). David was incensed by the wrongdoing and wanted to see the perpetrator pay for what he had done to the pet. It was then that the prophet revealed the true offender in the story. In a nutshell, here’s what the prophet said:
"You are that man! The LORD, the God of Israel, says, 'I anointed you king of
Only moments before, David thought nobody knew about his sin. But God knew. And God was not about to let him get away with it because “a Father disciplines a son He loves (Heb. 12:6).” To allow David to get away with his sin would eventually destroy him and would give God a bad name to those watching.
Last entry I shared how I had given in to sexual sin with a Christian man I dated. At the time, I never once thought how that sin would catch up with me in my future. I didn’t realize I would feel guilty about it for a long time, or how I would fear disease, or how God would make me accountable for it in a painful way.
When I met the man I was to marry, he was a virgin at age thirty-two. Since the sin was not so far in the past, I felt God telling me I needed to be honest about it. The thought of admitting my failure to such a man who had saved himself for me seemed impossible and I tried to ignore the frequent nudging. Finally one day, I had a “Nathan moment.” Steve (my husband now) felt a growing restlessness in his spirit that I had not been completely honest with him about something (imagine that) and he wanted to know what it was. I didn’t have to wonder. I finally confessed my sin to him, and it hurt him terribly that I had shared my body with another man AND that I had kept the truth from him throughout our dating relationship. It was almost the end of us, but thankfully God got us through that tough spot!
In the moment of temptation, Satan will tell you that you can get away with your sin, but there’s not a grain of truth in it. There are always consequences for sin. In David’s case, his child out of wedlock died and he had strife in his family for the rest of his days. You may not face such severe consequences, but you will still have nagging regret, guilt, and anxiety about what you might have contracted. And chances are good that God will make you admit your mistakes to anyone who would be the kind of person you want to share your life with. Do you want to have to admit that? A moment of pleasure is not worth all those pains!
If you have made mistakes, as I had, I urge you to have the heart of David: “Then David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "Yes, but the LORD has forgiven you, and you won't die for this sin.”
The Lord’s mercies are great, but let us realize that we can never get away with sin and it’s never worth the price.