Say No to the Flop (Kurt Rambis, Where are you when we need you?)

By Jesse Carey

Blogger’s Note: Full disclosure before you read my well-articulated rant about what’s wrong—morally, socially and possibly even economically—with “flopping”. I used to live in Orlando, and I am a huge fan of the Magic. So any reference to the Boston Celtics or their players, who the Orlando Magic just happen to be losing to in the Eastern Conference finals, is merely a coincidence. I promise.*

When I first started playing community league basketball in 5th grade, I was one of the tallest kids on the team—a towering 5’7. As any former pee-wee player knows, if you’re the tallest guy, you learn to play either center or forward. Your job is to stand right under the hoop with the other tall kids and grab rebounds, go for lay-ups and do your best impression of a post-move (which was usually a wild, turn-around jump shot that resulted in rebound opportunities for the other tall kids).

My height-to-classmate ratio remained the same until about 9th grade. Then something happened. At the age of about 14, and at the height of 6’1, I stopped growing, and everyone else—particularly the other kids playing JV basketball—started to catch up.

Having been solely dedicated to learning the fine art of post play for my formative basketball years, I stubbornly decided that I would continue to play center in high school. I was destined to be a “big man”—even though I was also destined not to actually be very big.

At this point in the story, I should interject a SPOILER ALERT: I never went on to become a professional basketball player, or even play beyond the high school level. (This may be surprising to many readers after observing my impressive hard-court prose.)

But, during those few years of attempting to play center against guys that were twice my size (with questionable degrees of “success”—especially if you measure success by “conventional” standards like—“statistics” or “winning”), I learned something. Even if you are clearly outmatched in every measureable category (and non-measureable ones like “skill” and “basketball talent”), playing hard, physical basketball is the great equalizer.

Don’t believe me? Just ask Bill Laimbeer. Does this picture look like a man who is afraid to play tough against a more “naturally gifted” player like Larry Bird? Maybe see how Kurt Rambis feels about natural ability, size and coordination. See what he thinks about than grit and hustle. But before you make up your mind, just remember, you’re not the guy in the receiving end of a full-speed clothes line courtesy of Kevin McHale.

I’m not advocating dirty play. I’m advocating tough play. What’s happening in the Magic/Celtics series is the opposite. There are guys in the series that have made flopping and pretending to get fouled part of their strategy. Instead of taking it hard to the hoop, guys that flop throw themselves into your arm and scream like they’ve been stabbed just to get a foul called.

It’s the same reason I just can’t get into soccer. Two players inadvertently graze each other in the heat of play, and one will fall to ground holding his shin like a slow-mo scene in a Jerry Bruckheimer movie to get a penalty called.

Sports should be played honestly. Faking getting injured to sell a foul is just as bad as cheating in my book. It’s a lot like life. If you’re out-matched, you can do one of two things to make up for it: cheat and call “foul”, or get tough to out hustle and out work your opponent—even if you can’t outplay them.

I know what Kurt Rambis would do.