Chapter 3: Ministry Principles

IN THIS CHAPTER, you will discover:  

·         The principle of reconciliation.  

·         The principle of confrontation.  

·         The difference between discernment and judgment.  

·         The value of a small group.    

AS A RESULT, you will be able to:  

·    Manifest love, acceptance, and forgiveness in relationships.  

·    Confront another Christian in love.  

·    Discern without judging.  

·    Build up other members of your small group.     

Reading: \"Forgiveness,\" p. 360 and \"Reconciliation,\" p. 849 in the New International Dictionary of the Bible.   Key Scripture: \"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men\'s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation\" (2 Cor. 5:18‑19).   Biblical Edification To edify is to build up, to uplift, to enlighten, and to illuminate. As Christians, we are called to edify others. The act of edification takes several forms. We may edify with a general attitude of enthusiasm -- a countenance that imparts hope rather than discouragement. We may edify through our positive expectations of a person -- always believing in the best for him or her. And we may edify through our actions -- doing those mundane, practical things for people to give them a boost. Finally, we may edify through a word aptly spoken (Prov. 25:11).   Edification is well personified in Jesus. But one example in John 4 stands out from the numerous accounts of his edifying others:  His encounter with the woman at the well. As we observe her, it seems that even Jesus faced impossible obstacles in edifying her.   First, women in the ancient world were considered inferior to men. No self-respecting Jewish man, especially a rabbi, would talk to a woman in public. Second, she was a Samaritan, a people hated by the Jews for centuries because of religious and cultural differences. Because of their compromised worship (2 Kings 17:33), the Samaritans were considered unclean. The Jews would neither associate with them nor eat food prepared by them. At the time of Jesus\' encounter with the woman, bitterness between Jews and Samaritans had never been greater. A third barrier between the woman and Christ was her immoral character. She had been married five times and at the moment was living with a man unlawfully. Yet Jesus, without condemn­ing her, went straight to the heart of the matter. He saw the hurting person beneath the surface of this unnamed Samaritan woman.   Our Lord reached out to this despised person with living water (John 4:10) -- and hope. With a simple yet profound conversation, Jesus tore down barriers that had stood for centuries. When she left her water pot by the well, the Samaritan woman walked away edified; for the Messiah had ministered to her (w. 28‑29). Moreover, Jesus brought hope of spiritual freedom to all the Samaritans, who were also awaiting the Messiah and Savior of the world (w. 25, 42).   Healing Words   The Jews, despite their six hundred plus laws, were unable to accept and forgive the Samaritans. Christians, on the other hand, freed from the law and edified by Christ, must be in the business of raising (building up), not razing (tearing down). The apostle James made it clear that the tongue is capable of both edification and destruction. \"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God\'s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing\" (3:9­-10). If we are to follow the pattern of Jesus, our tongues should be used to build others up, not tear them down. A believer who desires to build up others will often use the following phrases, which never fail to edify:   I appreciate you. Let me help. I love you. Help me understand you. I\'m sorry. You can do it! Just talk; I\'ll listen. You\'re my friend. I understand.   Edifying words are a soothing balm to wounds, which have been inflicted on believers and unbelievers alike. Throughout Scripture our Father encourages us with such edifying words as: \"God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy\" (Ps. 45:7). God has not only elevated us to a place of esteem, but also has brought further healing to our relationships by anointing us with joy.   Lack of Edification   The logical place for sharing this joy and edifying others is in a home surrounded by people who care for each other. Since \"home is where the heart is,\" home is the first place where our hearts are touched. In the home we should first experience love, kindness, and acceptance, but for many the opposite is true. Our minds and spirits are sometimes assaulted in the one place where we should feel the most secure. As a result, many of us struggle with low self‑esteem.   Because of their vulnerable nature, children may suffer great harm. Children are often humiliated and debased when compared to a sibling in appearance or ability -- or when they fail to live up to their parents\' expectations. Many also suffer from emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. As a result, severe damage is inflicted on their minds, spirits, and bodies.   These children grow into adults with problems of inadequacy, and bring these negative emotions into their other relationships. Marriages are eroded by emotionally crippled spouses. When both partners suffer from low self‑esteem, the marriage may survive but will not flourish. Neither spouse can fully love the other because they have never appropriated God\'s unconditional love for themselves.   Reflecting problems already in the home, modern society seems bent on destroying the family. It has succeeded in undermining the kind of self-esteem that comes from God. We have allowed the media to set stan­dards for acceptance and success in the world. Beauty queens, rock stars, and athletes have become the \"gods\" that we worship in movie houses, auditoriums, and football stadiums. Becoming more and more disenchanted with our own lives, we realize that we can never attain the success of our heroes. In the world\'s eyes -- and in our own -- we are failures!   The concept of failure is also popular in the business environment. It is the exact opposite of success as far as the world is concerned, and a person must be one or the other. As a result, many people spend most of their lives pushing and shoving their way up the career ladder. Those left by the wayside suffer from damaged egos because they never quite \"made it to the top.\" Those who do succeed soon discover that someone else is rapidly ascending the ladder -- intending to push them aside. The process leaves countless victims in its wake, for there never seems to be enough success to go around.   Attitudes of Edification   People with tattered self‑esteem, which includes many today, are ach­ing for affirmation. And who but the body of Christ is capable of edifying them? The source of edification is God the Father. By adopting us into His family, He lifts believers to incredible heights. We who were nothing are now children of the Most High God. We are able to edify others because our self‑esteem comes from our position in the Lord. With the help of the Holy Spirit we can develop characteristics that naturally edify others. Five of these important characteristics follow:   · Empathy. The desirable ability of empathy views life from another person\'s perspective. It allows us to share another\'s pain and joy.   · Warmness. Real caring on our part makes others feel prized and special. A person in close fellowship with Christ radiates his warmth.   · Realness. An essential element of an affirming person\'s character is realness. Even a hurting person quickly discerns the difference between sincerity and hypocrisy.   · Willingness. A believer who offers love, acceptance, and forgiveness edifies a person even at their lowest point. Willingness represents volunteerism as opposed to obligation.   · Practicality. The most effective edification is expressed in simple, practical ways. We cannot have faith without works (James 2:17). It\'s one thing to love a person on an intellectual level, yet quite another to invite them for dinner or to provide some assistance that may be inconvenient for us.   Edification, a necessity for everyone\'s well‑being, can be expressed in a number of ways. If we choose to follow the example of Jesus, we will offer love, acceptance, and forgiveness in practical ways. We will speak edi­fying words that highlight a person\'s gifts, ignite an interest in Christ, and kindle a spark of enthusiasm for changing the world.   Reconciliation   Just as God calls each of us to be edifiers, He also calls us to be peacemakers or ministers of reconciliation. God wants us to reconcile all our severed relationships: parents and children, husbands and wives, labor and management, friend and friend. But His greatest desire is to heal the breech between himself and humanity (2 Cor. 5:19). Therefore, He has initiated reconciliation by Christ\'s death on the cross. Through the Atonement we see the ultimate in reconciliation -- restoration of the per­sonal relationship between God and His people. The theme of the entire New Testament is reconciliation. Therefore, if we value God\'s word, we should take steps toward healing broken relationships (Matt. 5:23‑24).   Every severed relationship is accompanied by multiple problems. And since time increases the problems and hinders the possibility of mending the relationship, we must take immediate steps to reconcile those who are estranged from us.   Steps Toward Reconciliation   Reconciliation is a complex process that includes many elements. For your convenience, we have condensed the process of reconciliation into ten steps. Although the steps appear simple, each one is essential.  The omission of even one can hinder reconciliation.   1. Ask the Lord to reveal unconfessed sin in your life (1 Cor. 12:28).   2. Ask God to forgive your role in severing the relationship (Matt. 6:12).   3. Allow the Holy Spirit to wash your heart of the grievance (Ps. 51:2).   4. Pray for the other person (Matt. 5:44).   5. Decide to forgive (Mark 11:25).   6. Seek spiritual counsel from a trusted friend (Prov. 4:10‑13).   7. Ask God to help the person in the areas of his or her weakness (Col. 3:13‑14).   8. Look for opportunities to say kind things about the person (3 John 12).   9. Forgive the person each time the grievance comes to mind (Matt. 1 8:22).   10. Pray for salvation if the person is unsaved (Rom. 5:8‑9).   Reconciliation can become a reality if we follow these biblical principles, for God moves on behalf of His obedient children. And we can rejoice, assured that God through His Holy Spirit is strengthening us for the task of reconciliation.   Forgiving Others   The key to reconciliation is forgiveness, an attribute inherent in God\'s nature. Our gratitude for His forgiveness inspires us to forgive those who offend us. Forgiveness is a choice -‑ an act of the will. If we choose to forgive, we release other people from any emotional or physical debt they may owe us. By accepting our forgiveness, they are then released from condemnation.   Forgiving Ourselves   Unfortunately, condemnation has already settled on the shoulders of some believers. The cartoon character Pogo \'Possum once said, \"We have met the enemy and he is us!\" Pogo in his practical wisdom realized that sometimes our own worst enemy is ourselves. This is especially true in the area of unforgiveness. Some of us have no difficulty in forgiving others but are incapable of forgiving ourselves. Because we know all our faults, sins, and weaknesses, we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else ever could. And since our old nature is oriented towards works, we work hard to earn God\'s forgiveness. Or we may simply give up, believing that we cannot be released from the cycle and will repeat our sin. Though our reasons vary, the result is the same -- many Chris­tians carry a heavy burden of false guilt.   But God assures us that our sins have been forgiven, and He has cleansed us from all unrighteousness (Jer. 33:8). One pastor remarked that God has placed our sins at the bottom of the sea and has erected a \"No Fishing\" sign. Those of us who tend to review our sins periodically must give up fishing. Before God we must declare, \"Lord, you have forgiven me and I forgive myself. Each time I remember my past sins, I will remind myself that you have forgiven me -- and I forgive me.\"   Forgiving God   God\'s forgiveness toward us is awesome. But in a moment of personal pain or crisis we may forget its relevance for our lives. Although we are reluctant to admit it, many of us blame God for adverse circumstances or tragedies in life. We rationalize that if God is omnipotent and omni­scient, He could have prevented the death of a loved one, the ravage of a friend\'s cancer, the abuse of an innocent child, or the destruction of a city by earthquake.   However, we must recognize that God created the world complete with natural laws. When the law of gravity is violated, for example, a person may fall causing injury or death. And standing under a tree during a thunderstorm greatly increases the chances of being struck by lightning. Satan, who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), must also be held responsible for suffering. The consequences of sin and disease are apparent in this fallen world where bad choices, ignorance, personal sin, and the sins of others abound.   Once we realize that God does not indiscriminately strike down innocent children or other unsuspecting people with disease and death, we can stop blaming Him for the suffering in the world. We can forgive God for the misfortune that has come our way. Although God does not need our forgiveness, we must forgive Him when He appears to fail in intervening in our behalf. The issue of pain and suffering is covered in depth in another Living By The Book course, \"Mountain Climbing By The Book.\"   Conclusion   Forgiving others, ourselves, and God are all necessary progressions toward reconciliation. Reconciliation is the prime purpose of Christ\'s death on the cross. In that one act God reconciled humanity to Himself, paying once and for all the debt that our sins have accrued. Since Christ accomplished this for us, we have been forgiven. Now we must demon­strate His attitudes and actions through our ministries of edification, for­giveness, and reconciliation. As we imitate Christ, we glorify God. As Paul exhorted the Ephesians, \"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God\" (5:1‑2).   Key Concepts: [All answers above]   1. To _____________ means to build up, to uplift, to enlighten, and to illuminate.   2. True or False. God calls only those qualified to do His task.   3. The Samaritans (were, were not) expecting a Savior and Messiah.   4. Severe damage to our mind and spirit is caused by verbal, physical, and emotional ____________.   5. (Adults, Children) are most vulnerable to suffer in the area of low self-esteem.   6. To possess (sympathy, empathy) is to see life through the eyes of another.   7. The most effective edification is expressed in simple, (convenient, prac­tical) ways.   8. The theme of the New Testament is ________________.   9. True or False. Forgiveness is a choice, an act of the will.   10. True or False. Forgiving God is never necessary for a Christian.   Further Study: Review the scriptures under \"Reconciliation; C. Believers and reconciliation,\" NIV Topical Stud Bible Topical Index, p. 137.    Life Applicaiton: Edifying other people is an important way to live out our faith. Becoming a good listener is one of the best ways to do this, for listening allows others to see our interest in them. Listed below are some listening skills that, if practiced, will help us edify others:   Keep eye contact with the person. Tilt your head and body slightly toward the person. Allow them to speak without interruption. Concentrate on what they are saying. Allow interest to show on your face. Watch for their nonverbal clues. Try to empathize rather than sympathize.

Reading: \"iii. The Last Journey to Jerusalem (Luke 17:11‑19:27),\" Inter­national Bible Commentary, pp. 1217‑19.   Key Scripture: \"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over\" (Matt. 18:15).   Christ Confronts   Christians often think of confrontation as a defiant or angry act toward someone who has offended them. We assume that confrontation is not Christ-like. But a close look at Scripture contradicts this perception, for Christ himself frequently confronted the scribes and Pharisees, who were the religious leaders of the day.   On one occasion several Pharisees were waiting in the synagogue hop­ing to catch Jesus breaking the Sabbath law. As they watched, Jesus asked a man with a withered hand to stand up. Before they could utter a word, he challenged them, \"Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?\" (Mark 3:4). Jesus\' anger arose at their stubbornness, and then he miraculously healed the man.   On another Sabbath Jesus healed a crippled woman in the synagogue. This time the indignant synagogue ruler grumbled about his methods. But Jesus confronted him and his other detractors, saying, \"You hypocrites! Doesn\'t each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, who Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?\" (Luke 13:15‑16).   Our Lord did not confine his confrontation to the hypocritical religious leaders. Anyone whose attitude needed adjustment was confronted. Recall the encounter with the rich young ruler. Jesus challenged him to take a hard look at himself, especially his attitude about money. But the young man was not willing to make the sacrifice to follow Jesus. In this passage we discover our Lord\'s attitude toward those he confronted: \"Jesus looked at him and loved him\" (Mark 10:21). Even his rebukes were tempered with love. When a man in the crowd following Jesus asked him, \"Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me\" (Luke 12: 13), Jesus warned him to beware of greed.   In every confrontation, our attitude should always be like Jesus\'. First, we must offer unconditional love as the basis of every healthy relationship. Accompanying this must be respect demonstrated in edification. Everything in our words and demeanor should lift the other person up. Finally, we must have faith that we share the same goal -- restoration of the relationship.   Goals for Successful Confrontation   Goals are extremely important in confrontation as well as in sports. In a football or baseball game the goal is to win. Since both teams have the same basic equipment, the coach\'s strategy may be the difference between winning and losing. This strategy has been developed over time and through experience. Armed with the game plan, the players are ready to confront their opponents. In confrontation, success depends on strategy as well. Some of the most successful strategies are as follows:   · Make sure you have the time to discuss the problem. The discussion should not be interrupted.   · Be specific when defining the offense of others. Make sure they understand exactly how they have offended you.   · Keep your statement brief and to the point. Giving numerous examples only clouds the issue.   · Describe their behavior, not their motives or character. Character assassination is inflammatory and counterproductive.   · Make an objective, rather than a subjective, statement. Avoid using judgmental words such as \"always,\" \"never,\" or \"constantly.\"   · Beware of substitute confrontation. Confront only the offending per­son, not a powerless spouse or an unsuspecting friend.   As all athletes discover, they cannot succeed in confronting opponents without following the strategy of their coach. Our success likewise depends on executing the rules for confrontation. Moreover, these rules must fit into a biblical pattern.   Biblical Pattern for Confrontation   Maintaining Christ-like attitudes of humility and mercy is an important element woven into the biblical pattern for confrontation. Also included in this pattern are the following: self‑examination before confrontation, resto­ration of the offender, and the involvement of as few people as possible so as to preserve the dignity of the individual (see the Key Scripture). To help us pursue the development of this pattern, we must ourselves ask six pertinent questions:   WHAT? Is this really the problem that needs correcting? We must identify the reason or issue without becoming sidetracked on less important issues.   WHY? Why do I feel I should correct this problem? Will it grow worse if not corrected?   WHO? Am I the right person to do it? Have I earned the right to speak to the problem? Should special precautions be taken because of my age or sex?   WHEN? Is now the right time to address the problem? Timing is crucial. We must make certain that the person is in an emotional state that can handle confrontation.   WHERE? Where is the best place to confront? If the person is of the opposite sex, is there somewhere we can be in the sight of others without being heard?   HOW? Is this the right way to confront? The best way to begin is with a positive statement. Tell them why you are concerned. Ask for their sug­gestions for possible solutions. After solutions are determined, set up a course of action and a time for follow up.   By answering each of these questions honestly and definitively, we are more likely to develop a pattern of biblical confrontation. Following the strategies for successful confronting assures us of reaching our goals: restoring the relationship, examining our own lives, and maintaining the dignity of the person confronted. In all of this we must display the same loving attitude that Christ exhibited as he shared the truth in love.     Key Concepts: [All answers above]   1. True or False. Confrontation is not Christ-like.   2. Jesus\' most frequent targets for confrontation were the religious leaders of his day, the scribes and __________.   3. Jesus\' attitude toward everyone he confronted was one of unconditional _____________.   4. True or False. The people confronted should be shown respect in our edification of them.   5. Goals are (important, unimportant) in successfully confronting some­one.   6. When confronting someone, always describe the person\'s (behavior, character).   7. True or False. If the person confronted is of the opposite sex, we should remain in sight of others.   8. The three goals for confrontation include ____________ the relationship, examining our own lives, and maintaining the dignity of the person confronted.    Further Study: Read \"The Church\'s Dealing with the Sinner (Matt. 18:15­20),\" International Bible Commentary, p. 1140.   Life Application: Sometimes we feel too intimidated to confront the person responsible for our dilemma. If the person is a supervisor, our job may be at stake. For that reason, many of us transfer the negative feelings from the perpetrator to an innocent person, usually a spouse. This action can be deadly to a marriage. If you find yourself in the position of confronting the wrong person, stop! Ask God to forgive you and then ask your spouse\'s forgiveness. Finally, pray for courage to confront the right person, using the biblical pattern for confrontation.  

Reading: \"II. Paul and Timothy (1 Tim. 1:3‑20),\" International Bible Com­mentary, pp. 1475‑76.   Key Scripture: \"My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight\" (Prov. 3:21).   Is Revenge Sweet?   Under Mosaic law, retribution was to be \"eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise\" (Ex. 21:24‑25). But Christ, who came to fulfill the law, declared, \"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you\" (Matt. 5:44). Now two thousand years later, do we still adhere to this principle? Or have we reverted back to \"an eye for an eye\"?   Some people believe that revenge is the better choice. But for Christians, it is not an option. Revenge is not so sweet as its advocates would have us believe. Rather it is poison with its taste disguised. The initial sweetness gives way to the bitter taste of death. Christians who seek revenge for hurts inflicted on them are still living under the law rather than the grace brought by Jesus Christ.   Jesus also warned against judging another person. \"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother\'s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?\" (Matt. 7:3). Therefore, when we search our hearts to discover our motives for confronting, we must be careful that the speck of sin we perceive in our brother or sister is not magnified by a log of bitterness in our own eye. Bitterness colors both our conscious and unconscious thoughts and actions. Because it affects people mentally and spiritually, bitterness always destroys relationships. Moreover, doc­tors believe this poisonous attitude aggravates certain physical ailments and may cause others. This oppressive and destructive emotion has its roots in hate, which Christ likens to murder (Matt. 5:21‑22).   Discerning or Judgmental?   Another destructive attitude akin to bitterness and revenge is a critical or judgmental spirit. This attitude may spring from a tendency toward nega­tivism in thought, speech, and actions; an overbearing conscience; or a strict, legalistic view of the Bible. This problem is one of the manifestations of the sin of pride.   A person with a critical or judgmental attitude often believes that he or she is a \"watchdog for justice\" --a discerner of God\'s truth and fairness. But because even Christians are easily deluded in this area, from time to time we should compare the characteristics of a discerning person with one who is judgmental. Below are two lists to help in the comparison:   A Discerning Person   Scrutinizes self first (1 Cor. 11:28) Does not jump to conclusions (John 7:51) Carefully checks facts (1 John 4:1) Waits before evaluating (1 Thess. 5:21) Deals with problem first privately (Matt. 18:15) Restores the offender (Philem. 1:17‑18)   A Judgmental Person   Never sees own faults Always jumps to conclusions Does not investigate facts Criticizes immediately Exposes person publicly Destroys the offender   A person with discernment follows guidelines as outlined in Scripture. In a confrontation they deal privately with the offending person in a loving, respectful manner using positive correction methods. Their goal is always the restoration of the relationship.   Everyone is susceptible to being judgmental. If we have developed a critical spirit, we quickly point out a person\'s past failures as well as present ones. We compare the individual to ourselves (Gal. 6:4‑5) to raise our own self‑esteem at his or her expense. But the ultimate satisfaction for a person with a judgmental spirit is to delight in seeing enemies punished. Of course, by the time revenge is realized, forgiveness is the last thing we consider. Therefore, a judgmental person always uses negative or abusive methods, which accelerate the destruction of a relationship.   Dos and Don’ts of Correction   The measure of successful restoration will be determined in direct propor­tion to the amount of positive correction done by discerning persons -- as opposed to the amount of negative correction inflicted in judgment. Below is a comparison of the two methods:   DO . . . Be loving and kind Help them maintain self‑respect Expect them to respond to God\'s truth Say something positive about them Tell them of your concern Ask them for possible solutions Agree on a course of action Set time for follow‑up meeting   DON\'T . . . Be angry or frustrated Take away their authority in decision making Expect them to reject your overtures Approach them with a negative attitude Monopolize the conversation Supply all the answers Settle for a partial resolution Stop at this point   Although the difference in the two methods is obvious, we often do not stop to consider our course of action. We may fall back into a familiar pattern that has not worked previously. It is imperative that we change our tactics if we are to confront in a Christ-like manner. This is the only way to successful restoration.   Church Discipline   Correction does not always involve individual relationships, for sometimes the church needs to discipline its members. The apostle Paul warned the church to avoid foolish arguments and advised that continually divisive members should be dealt with. He urged the church to warn them two times. If they did not respond to the warning, the church was to excom­municate them (Titus 3:9‑10). Paul admonished the Corinthian believers to expel from the church the immoral man living with his father\'s wife. He said, \"Hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord\" (1 Cor. 5:5). To Timothy Paul suggested a similar judgment for Hymenaeus and Alexander for their sin of blasphemy (1 Tim. 1:20).   When discipline becomes necessary, the church must follow the specific guidelines set in place by its ruling body. But its primary purposes in discipline should be to:   · Restore repentant believers   · Develop maturity in the body of believers   · Demonstrate the leaders\' love and care   · Intensify self‑examination of its members   · Affirm the church\'s obedience to God\'s authority   · Purify the spirit and methods of the congregation   · Confirm the responsibility of individuals for one another   · Rout Satan out of the church   The results of proper correction within the body are:   · Restoration of fallen believers   · Cessation of gossip   · Edification of other Christians   · Reconciliation of the members   · Unity of loyal believers   · Exaltation of the Lord   Whether correction occurs between individuals or in the context of the church body, the same basic rules apply. We are to be motivated out of love and respect for the persons involved. Moreover, we must get rid of bitterness, which steals inner peace and destroys our fellowship with God. We should correct lovingly and as privately as possible as we strive for complete restoration.     Key Concepts: [All answers above]   1. Retribution is a biblical principle given under (law, grace).   2. True or False. Bitterness, which destroys relationships, can also cause physical and mental ailments.   3. A strict, ____________ view of the Bible often lends itself to a judgmental spirit.   4. A (judgmental, discerning) person investigates facts before making a decision.   5. A discerning person first deals (publicly, privately) with the offender.   6. True or False. Judgmental people often compare themselves with others to boost their own self-esteem.   7. True or False. When correcting an offender, we should first take away their authority to make decisions.   8. Two primary purposes of church discipline are to ___________________ repentant believers and to develop maturity in the body of Christ.     Further Study: Read \"III. Moral Disorders in the Church (1 Cor. 5:1­6:20),\" International Bible Commentary, pp. 1357‑60.   Life Application: Paul gave the following guidelines for restoring some­one who is out of fellowship: (1) restore the person who has been caught in a sin, (2) watch out for temptation, (3) carry each other\'s burdens, and (4) test our own actions (Gal. 6:1‑4). He clearly indicated that the greater burden rests on the offended rather than on the offender. If you are in a position to restore a fellow believer, ask the Holy Spirit first to guard your heart from judging. Look beyond the person\'s failures and then follow the guidelines listed above for restoration. Look for opportunities to reconcile him or her with other Christians and their church. Finally, bathe the process in prayer for complete healing to occur.

Reading: The Equipper\'s Guide to Every‑Member Ministry, pp. 37‑53.   Key Scripture: \"Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform\" (Ex. 18:20).   Jethro\'s Principle   In the wilderness Moses was responsible for the civil authority over his fellow Hebrews (Ex. 18:13‑27). As judge, Moses made decisions accord­ing to God\'s decrees and laws and settled all their disputes. Because of the number of people involved, the Hebrews were forced to wait in line from morning till night. Relief for Moses came in the form of his father-­in‑law Jethro, a Midianite priest. Jethro observed Moses judging the people and, inspired by the Holy Spirit, gave Moses wise counsel: \"You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone\" (Ex. 18:18).   Then he proposed the following solution: be the representative of the people before God (v. 19); teach the people God\'s decrees and laws (v. 20); show them the way to live and how to perform their particular duties (v. 20); appoint capable, trustworthy men as officials over groups of one thousand, one hundred, fifty, and ten (v. 21); have these men serve as judges for the simple cases (v. 22); have only the most difficult cases brought to himself (v. 22). Moses did exactly as Jethro had proposed, and everyone benefited. The people were able to get their problems resolved quickly; Moses had time for other responsibilities -- and rest. In addition,  other capable men were given an opportunity to utilize their leadership skills.   The early church adopted a similar shared leadership model. The first lay leaders to serve under the apostles were the seven deacons chosen to minister to widows in the congregation (Acts 6:1‑6). Other examples of this principle are found in the New Testament. Paul especially was an advocate of appointing elders as overseers with the resulting decentrali­zation of authority in the church (Acts 14:23; Titus 1:5). Jethro\'s practical advice has therefore become the pattern for decentralized shepherding, assimilation, and outreach by lay people. Today the Jethro principle is the basis for the cell or small group concept in the body of believers.   The Small Group Leader   The establishment of small groups has been revived in recent years, for churches have discovered that more people can be reached in this way than by any other means. The small group works through the process of multiplication. No better example exists than the hundreds of cell groups, which make up the membership of David (Paul) Yonggi Cho\'s church in Korea. This church has multiplied into a membership of over a million people. Cho, like Moses, realized the need for lay leaders to share his responsibilities. The key to this concept is releasing these leaders in min­istry, thereby causing the small groups to grow in numbers and maturity.   The purpose of a group leader is to guide not to take on the role of final authority or teacher. Since Christ is the head of the body, a good leader is his devoted follower -- no more and no less. One of the jobs of the small group leader is to spot potential leaders, nurture them, and release them to ministry. Potential leaders become new leaders when they raise up their own small group, or when an existing small group multiplies into two groups. Apprentice small group leaders can recruit their group members or be given new members through church bridging events. New small groups are spawned after the apprentice leader is trained to lead a small group. The best leaders:   · Are good learners. Since no one has all the answers, all leaders need to be learners.   · Lead in love. The life of a group leader should exemplify love, acceptance, and forgiveness.   · Possess a good sense of humor. Laughter releases tension, relaxes our body, rests our spirit, renews our heart, and gives our life a new perspective.   · Are shockproof. The leader is not judgmental, harsh, opinionated, or overly reactive to statements made contrary to his or her own beliefs.   · Maintain a relaxed spirit. A leader who is not afraid to consider another point of view reaches out to others and makes them com­fortable in who they are.   · Confess their need of others. We never outgrow our need for the help of other Christians. Leaders especially should be open to admitting their needs.   Leaders who develop these qualities are best able to lead with confidence as they implement the principles of small group leadership.   Three Components of a Small Group   The leader of a small group must be aware of the three components that comprise a successful care group -- sharing of life, conversational prayer, and application of Scripture.   Sharing of Life. A person who shares with the group feels more a part of it. Life‑centered testimonies illustrate best what is being taught. The group should respond lovingly to a need expressed by one of its mem­bers, remembering that love responds immediately, not at a more con­venient time. When needs are addressed quickly, other members learn that the group can be trusted. The small group is an ideal place to learn to share deep needs. As group leaders request prayer for needy areas in their own lives, others learn from their willingness to be vulnerable. James, the brother of our Lord, gave three guidelines for sharing with other Christians: (1) admit your faults to one another, (2) pray for one another, and (3) become a healing fellowship (5:16).   Conversational Prayer. A small group builds unity through prayer and praise. Much of the prayer is in response to the needs expressed in the group. Begin each meeting with conversational prayer, bringing the group immediately into the presence of God. Ask him to guide the meeting. Encourage members to listen for God\'s leading. If a member of the group has a special need, the group should respond to it. Place a chair in the middle of a circle with the members gathered around. Gently lay your hands on the person in the chair, praying that God will meet his or her need. God answers prayers offered in faith and love. The meeting should always be closed with prayer.   Application of Scripture. Biblical truths make a real difference in our daily life. Actually applying them comes after the steps of rote, recognition, restatement, and relation. The last step of realization is the application of biblical truths to daily life (see Chapter 1). We must respect the Bible as our authority and guidebook, for the Word of God contains everything necessary for salvation and a sanctified Christian walk.   The leader, like every other member of the group, should be a Spirit‑filled Christian, displaying the characteristics of love, humility, humor, and peace. He or she must be especially sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, for only then can the leader be a channel for the Spirit\'s working in the whole group. The small group leader should make sure that the three elements of sharing, prayer, and Scripture are included in every meeting. If these principles are practiced weekly, the result will be a healthy group and well‑balanced, maturing Christians.   The Group Itself   Healthy, well‑balanced members are more capable of accomplishing their group\'s purpose of glorifying God. Striving for that end, the group must deal with several aspects of small group life.   Participation. An important factor in the success of a small group is participation. Even a small group with an excellent leader will fail if its members do not participate. Sometimes we can encourage participation by simply controlling the physical environment. For example, using a small room or partitioning off a section of a larger room provides a more intimate setting. And pushing the tables aside and arranging chairs in a circle promotes dialogue.   Mutual Edification. The group should practice mutual edification. A care group must act as a team -- helping, encouraging, and building each other up. There should be no pressure on anyone to pray, read, or speak. Dialogue should be encouraged so that each person feels that his or her ideas and questions are important. The leader must help even timid people to realize that they have something to offer.   Consistent Dialogue. No person should monopolize the conversation. If someone persists,  the leader should say: \"Thank you for your comments. Now let\'s hear what someone else has to say,\" or \"Let\'s continue with our lesson.   Integrity in Conversation. Don\'t allow people either to confess someone else\'s faults or to discuss doctrine that may be divisive or argumentative. Sometimes people would rather discuss these subjects than to give attention to needs in their own lives. If the group digresses in this area, the leader must remind them of the group\'s policies.   Ministry Goals. When a member of the group has problems or needs help, he or she should go to the leader and ask for it. One goal of the group is to help each other become successful in life and ministry.   Problem People. The leader cannot allow a troubled person to be consistently the center of attention. Problem people should be handled one‑on‑one away from the group. The leader must make it clear that the person is loved but will not be allowed to control the group\'s direction. A problem person needs the atmosphere of a support group to help them reach wholeness.   New Members. New members stimulate growth and enthusiasm. They prevent a group from becoming ingrown and too comfortable. To encour­age the invitation of visitors, place an empty chair in the circle for the new person who will come to the next meeting.   Follow‑up. Follow‑up of members between meetings is essential. Call those who are absent and encourage them. Invite visitors to participate. Don\'t forget to affirm regular attenders with a call.   Each small group should have a specific target -- Bible study, support group, or fellowship. Individuals should feel the love and acceptance of the group. Secure in their individual roles, group members are free to reproduce and grow through evangelism and assimilation.   Group Diseases   The church must be involved in the implementation and maintenance of a small group system. This includes:  the training of leaders, implemen­tation of policies and procedures, ongoing support, and the monitoring of small groups (to prevent the group diseases mentioned in EGEM, pp. 39­50). As the small group ministers to individual members, to the church, and to outsiders, it can begin to fulfill its primary ministry of glorifying God!     Key Concepts:   1. When a group is labeled \"renegade,\" the problem is most often one of (church, group) attitudes. [38]   2. True or False. One symptom of a diseased group is that it meets infrequently. [38]   3. True or False. Groups are naturally wary of intrusions. [39]   4. If a group, already few in number, always makes excuses to put off meetings, it is probably suffering from (extendonitis, honeymoonitis). [39]   5. True or False. Most basic groups last two years too long. [40]   6. A normal church group meeting for two hours should have a maximum of  ___________  members. [43]   7. True or False. A small group should strive for a perpetual honeymoon in which the participants are always nice to each other. [46]   8. A group with unspoken or unharmonized ____________ suffers from schizophrenia. [46]   9. The shepherding movement was a tragic example of (archiphobia, dwarfism). [47]   10. ____________ must be part of every healthy small group. [49]     Further Study: Read \"Jethro,\" New International Dictionary of the Bible, pp. 524‑25; also read \"ix. Jethro Meets the Israelites (Ex. 18:1‑27),\" International Bible Commentary, pp. 168‑69.   Life Application: Now that you know how small groups are supposed to function, answer the following purpose questions:   Why do we want to have a small group? What do I personally want to get out of this group? What goals do we want to adopt as a small group? What do we want to happen in and through us as a result of our involvement in this group? What ingredients do we want included in our group? What don\'t we want to do in this group? What will make this group \"successful\" or worth the time involved? What do we want to do in our group meeting times?