Chapter 5: Becoming Wounded Healers

IN THIS CHAPTER, you will discover:

• The value of humility in healing.
• The importance of attention, availability, and vulnerability.
• The power of feelings to kill or to cure.

AS A RESULT, you will be able to:

• Learn from and comfort those who suffer.
• Care for those who suffer with directness and dignity.
• Create a "physiology of optimism."
   

Reading: Where Is God When It Hurts? (WGWH), pp. 143-51; 167-73.
Key Scripture:"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven\" (Matt. 5:3).
Our focus in this chapter is learning to care for those who suffer. Philip Yancey warns that there is no formula or magic phrase that will allow us to help someone in pain. Only acts of love can restore a crippled spirit. But human nature and the tenor of modern society make it awkward either to give or receive love in times of suffering. We often feel suffocated, ill at ease, and helpless around someone who is sick. And if we are honest with ourselves, we sometimes even feel afraid.
The reasons we feel uncomfortable are varied and deeply rooted. Those who are ill remind us of our own mortality, a subject we generally avoid. Disease and injury are capricious and unpredictable. In a sense, tragedy is even embarrassing. We are"ashamed\" either to be struck by disaster or to witness someone else in such a condition.
On a deeper level, it is difficult to escape the nagging suspicion that affliction is a"curse\" sent from God as a punishment for sin. This is a delusion shared both by those who are afflicted and by their would-be comforters, as the book of Job illustrates. As a result of this misperception, the afflicted may draw away from the company of others because they feel"unclean.\" Those desiring to console them may become paralyzed by uncertainty, and later be racked with guilt because of their lack of compassion. They may even feel anger and resentment toward the afflicted individual. Shockingly, seventy percent of those stricken with terminal illnesses are deserted by their wives or husbands before the end.
Western culture today places little value on compassion. We live in a society in which competitiveness and independence are glorified. Pity is for the weak. Television portrays a world in which everyone is young, beautiful, healthy, and successful. Only what is amusing or exciting attracts our attention. The realities of old age, sickness, and death are socially taboo in much the same way human sexuality was taboo in polite nineteenth-century society.
Philip Yancey finds evidence of our collective devaluation of compassion in the way we have changed the meanings of words that formerly expressed the power of love. The term"condescend,\" for example, literally means"to descend to be with.\" It evokes biblical themes such as the Incarnation or Pentecost?acts in which God graciously came down to dwell with us in love and power. In its modern usage, however, condescension is synonymous with pretention. It expresses the contempt of the"weak\" for the"strong\"?\"don\'t be so condescending.\" However, 1 Corinthians 12:14-26 teaches us that every member of the body of Christ has natural weaknesses and strengths and must learn to accept help as well as give it.
The term pity is derived from the word"piety,\"to be pious or godlike. No act is more like God than giving love (1 John 4:8). Yet today we say,"I don\'t want your pity.\" False pride insulates us from our most genuine need: to share God\'s nature by giving and receiving love.
The translators of the King James Bible rendered agape?the Greek word for unconditional love used in 1 Corinthians 13?as charity (Lat. charitas). When we look at all the marvelous qualities attributed to charity in 1 Corinthians 13, we can sense the poverty of affection that has allowed us to turn"charity\" into something scornful?\"keep your lousy charity!\"
These distorted interpretations of condescension, pity, and charity demonstrate how difficult it is to love from the heart. The more seriously we take the command to love each other, the more clearly we must face the insidious problem of spiritual pride. Yancey quotes the Chinese maxim"Nothing atones for a gift but the love of the giver\" to illustrate that a gift given without humility harms the giver and arouses resentment in the receiver. As Benjamin Franklin put it:"To be proud of virtue is to poison yourself with the antidote.\" Of all forms of spiritual pride, the pride of false humility is the worst.
How do we master the art of true condescension? By learning genuine humility. Jesus is our greatest teacher and example here. Through His own divine condescension (Phil. 2:5-11) and in His teaching concerning the"theology of reversal\" (WGWH, p. 144), Jesus demonstrated that"everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted\" (Luke 18:14). He went as far as to say,"I am among you as one who serves\" (22:27), indelibly demonstrating this attitude by washing His disciples\' feet on the night before His passion (John 13:1-17).
We also learn humility as Christ Himself did?by accepting suffering. As we receive grace and comfort from God in the midst of our own suffering, we are empowered to comfort others (2 Cor. 1:3-5). Those who have learned the"advantages\" of poverty or of affliction (like Joni Eareckson Tada) learn to see through the illusion of self-sufficiency. They discover the value of dependence, which is the key to true humility and to the reception of grace. In this they are indeed"blessed\" (see the Key Scripture).
In our study of physical pain, we learned that the body that most acutely feels the pain of its weakest parts is the healthiest body. This is true of the body of Christ as well. Because He bore our sorrows, Christ is able to understand and comfort us. Because He was wounded for our transgressions, He is able to heal us. As we share in His suffering?that is, the suffering of the members of His body?we can also experience and express His healing love. As we are wounded, we can heal; as we are forgiven, we can mediate forgiveness. Key Concepts:
1. We learn the"art of condescension\" by learning true __________________. [See above]
2. Paul\'s expression,"His [God\'s] strength is made perfect in weakness\" is an example of what Yancey calls the"theology of ____________________.\" [148]
3. Unless we learn _______________________, we will never experience grace. [150]
4. Most people are (comfortable, uncomfortable) around those who suffer. [169]
5. _____ True or False. The only thing you can do to help suffering people is to say something positive. [172]
6. The answer to the question"How do I help those who hurt?\" is the same as the answer to the question"How do I ____________________?\" [173]
7. _____ True or False. God mainly uses doctors and philosophers to relieve suffering. [172]
8. Love itself breaks down into specific and practical _________________. [173]
Points to Ponder:
A. Read the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5-7, especially 5:3-10, and also Luke 6, especially verses 20-38. In what way is the world tilted toward the poor and the suffering? What is your understanding of the implications of Jesus\'"theology of reversal?\" Discuss other relevant portions of Scripture. Can this perspective help you with some problem you are facing today?

B. Read the list of suffering\'s"advantages\" in WGWH, page 149. Go over each of the ten points, discussing whether you have learned that particular lesson. In what specific ways do you need to deepen your sense of dependence on God?

C. Share feelings of awkwardness you may have about ministering to those who are ill or in need. What are some barriers that must be broken down? Discuss the statement"The kingdom of suffering is a democracy\". Does this help us dissolve these barriers? Study 1 Corinthians 13 as a guide to acquire the helping skills you need.

D. How would you order your life differently if you, like the members of the Make Today Count group, knew you only had a few months to live?

Life Application: As Roni Ely rose up the ladder of success, she tried to push God out of her life, yet Roni\'s aching emptiness within finally convinced her that she needed God. Are there areas of illusory self-sufficiency in your life? Learn to recognize your dependence on God and choose humility in these areas, so that you may know the joy of full blessedness.

 

Reading: Where Is God When It Hurts? (WGWH), pp. 175-85.
Key Scripture: "Perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4:18).
Philip Yancey learned a great deal about helping those who hurt from his friends in the Make Today Count group. In this lesson we are going to focus on five attitudes or skills that make us more effective in dealing with those who hurt.
The phrase "Job's comforters" is an unflattering label for people whose advice in time of need makes one feel worse rather than better. But we often overlook the fact that Job's friends sat in silence for seven days and nights before beginning to speak. Job apparently looked back on that period with a certain nostalgia. At one point, burdened by their "insights," Job lamented, "If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom" (Job 13:5).
Scripture tells us that there is "a time to be silent and a time to speak" (Eccl. 3:7). We must learn to listen if we are to demonstrate availability to those who suffer. In the pace of modern living we tend to forget that silence can be restful, profound, and healing. A listening ear demonstrates that the other person is genuinely the focus of our attention. Other-directed attention is perhaps the core of true availability.
We can show attention in countless ways?through gifts, cards and letters, phone calls, and thoughtful acts. But the more we give our attention to others on their own terms, the better we demonstrate true availability. In giving our attention?our ear, our time?to another unconditionally, we are truly giving of ourselves in love.
In the last lesson, we discussed some of the reasons we feel alienation and even fear when facing victims of sickness and tragedy. Like Philip Yancey, many of us have an aversion to hospitals. The unpleasant memories we associate with the smells, sights, and sounds of hospitals; the dilemma of sickroom etiquette; and the confusion about what to say to one who is suffering?these are experiences shared by all of us. But we often forget that this awkwardness is felt most acutely by those who are sick. Their role can be a maddening one. They must play host or hostess to their visitors. In the process, they may take it upon themselves to pretend that they are well when they are suffering, to pretend to be optimistic when they are terrified, or to act confident when all they really want to do is cry out in despair.
All this takes a terrible toll. In cases of serious or terminal illness, the masquerade of denial can become a sickness itself. For this reason we should be vulnerable and honest with those we minister to. Anne's letter to Betsy (WGWH, pp. 183) shows that vulnerability is itself a form of availability. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we give others permission to be vulnerable also. They are empowered to share their true feelings, even those they fear may be "unacceptable." For someone facing fear and denial, this can be a great gift. It can bring release, and a healing time of weeping and laughing, of mourning and dancing (Eccl. 3:4).
Another kind of availability we can offer is prayer. In intercession, we bear the burdens of others to the very throne of grace. Praying with someone in a hospital is an intimate and powerful expression of vulnerability. While secular visitors can only offer a sick person their best wishes, the Christian, through prayer, can offer something far more substantial. Remember: faith "obtains possibility" and makes hope available. By helping those in need to become vulnerable to God, we unmask their fear. By soothing fear with faith, we "disarm fear" (WGWH, p. 178) and bring about spiritual, emotional, and even physical healing.
In light of the unity of the body of Christ, there is a sense in which our very presence alongside those who suffer is both a reassuring witness and a solemn duty. We who are in the body of Christ are called to show love even when God seems not to. When hurting people ask, "Where is God?" we are called to answer, "Here" through our presence, faithfulness, and love. God's care must be made perceptible to others through our own caring.
Remember that availability is not just a short-term commitment. While modern medicine has eliminated many diseases that kill quickly, it has left us to deal with long-term disabilities such as birth defects, Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's disease, and muscular dystrophy. We may respond initially with care to those who are stricken with these and similar ailments, but we sometimes fail to remain available to them as time passes. We do not consider that those who suffer indeterminately?as well as the caregivers who attend them?must deal not only with disease, but also with the "fatigue factor" that attends extended suffering.
True availability?unconditional availability?involves endurance. The Greek word makrothumia is translated as "patience," "forbearance," or sometimes "long suffering." It is considered a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). God's own forbearance with us should compel us as Christians to be long suffering with others. We should reflect God's example of long suffering in caring for our long-suffering friends.
Key Concepts:
1. Faith in God brings hope, love, and gratitude, thus disarming the power of _________________. [See above]
2. _____ True or False. The presence of fear makes pain more intense. [176]
3. _____ True or False. Loneliness increases fear. [177]
4. Simple __________________________ is the most powerful force we can contribute to help calm the fears of others. [178]
5. _____ True or False. We should not share our honest feelings with those who are suffering. [183]
Points to Ponder:
A. Name three things that cause you fear. Has your fear overwhelmed you, causing you to feel abandoned by God? What have you learned in the course so far that might help reduce your fear level?


B. Have you gone through an extended period of pain in your life? Do you know others who have? What persons helped you (or them) most during that period? How? What nonverbal forms of comfort were used?



Life Application: In keeping with Paul's command to "carry each other's burdens" (Gal. 6:2), begin now to practice availability in your relationships with others. Be alert to silent cries for help and be sensitive to unspoken needs. Do you know someone to whom your presence could represent God's love? Remember what you have learned about attention, vulnerability, and long suffering. Learn to "condescend" without being condescending. Think of your service to others as service to Christ Himself (Matt. 25:34-36).

 

Reading: Where Is God When It Hurts (WGWH), pp. 187-98.
Key Scripture: "How can we sing the songs of the LORD while in a foreign land?" (Ps. 137:4).
Key Words: Psychosomatic, Placebo Effect, Passive Death Syndrome, Pre-Mortem Dying, Physiology of Optimism.
In becoming God's chosen people, the children of Israel simultaneously became heirs to the Promised Land. As the psalm above illustrates, the drama of exile and homecoming has been an essential element of Jewish experience for thousands of years. To be a Jew is, inescapably, to live with one's face set toward Jerusalem. Similarly, to be an "engrafted" Jew?a Christian (Rom. 11:19) ?involves knowing that we are exiles in this world. As Christians, we seek a better heavenly homeland (Heb. 11:13-16). Until we get there, we will never feel fully at home or fully ourselves (1 John 3:2).
All this suggests that our sense of well-being is intimately dependent upon having a "sense of place." This is a crucial principle to remember if we are to learn to help those who are seriously ill. Two of the greatest enemies to healing and recovery are fear and helplessness. It has become clear that modern health care practices often leave the patient afraid, helpless, and robbed of their "sense of place." Our treatment of the sick may sometimes not only lessen their chances for healing, but may actually act as a death sentence.
Biblical anthropology confirms that humans are not merely mental or spiritual beings, nor simply physical bodies. We are, rather, psychosomatic beings?"mind-bodies" as it were. As such, feelings can kill or cure us as surely as poison or antibiotics. The placebo effect has long been recognized by medical science. If a patient believes a medication will help them, they often improve, even if they only receive an inert substance?a placebo?as medicine.
Animals who are traumatized and made to feel helpless lose the will to live. They die more easily and quickly than animals who have some control over their environment. The same passive death syndrome has been observed in human beings. Often traumatic events in life are followed by cancer or some other illness. When our environment changes radically, we may feel a loss of control and be overwhelmed by hopelessness and helplessness. Men become ill or even die after losing a job or retiring if their "sense of place" was too deeply identified with their work environment. Often the death of an elderly spouse will be followed within a matter of months or weeks by the death of the other spouse.
Research suggests that the aspect most psychologically destructive to the sick is the loss of control (WGWH, p. 189). When someone becomes ill, doctors, hospitals, and even loving friends and relatives often systematically strip them of their self-determinism and "sense of place." They are isolated in dreary hospital cubicles, bereft of their dignity, treated like children or objects, patronized and whispered about. Their bodies are prodded, pricked, and invaded at will. By common consent they become invalids, "in-valid" non-persons who are no longer allowed to play a part or to make a difference in the normal, everyday world. Members of the Make Today Count group experienced this enforced helplessness as a kind of pre-mortem dying.
Medical science recognizes the will to live as a physiological reality necessary for health and healing. We now know that stress weakens the body's immune system. In too many cases, the appearance or spread of diseases like cancer may be an expression of depression on the cellular level?an ultimate declaration of self-rejection and defeat.
But it need not be this way. Innovators like Norman Cousins show that a sick person can retain self-control and a "sense of place." Modern medicine is slowly recognizing the value of confidence, willpower, pleasant surroundings, laughter, and even prayer in healing. Just as surely as passive death syndrome reveals a "physiology of defeat," the remission of disease in patients with positive outlooks reveals a physiology of optimism. Healing is a process that involves positively aligning the body, mind, and spirit?mobilizing the vitality that exists within our cells and our souls. As Scripture says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" (Prov. 17:22).
As we recognize that we are responsible in part for healing ourselves, the roles of doctor and patient as "healer" and "healed" must be redefined. In reality, both are partners in healing. This partnership in healing also extends to friends and family and to the community of the body of Christ. It is their task to help the sick to "recycle" their suffering in a healthy way. Through their understanding, involvement, and "pleasant words" (16:24), they can help those who are suffering to maintain a sense of control and a "sense of place."
Philip Yancey writes, "There is no more effective healer than a wounded healer" (WGWH, p. 198). And, as Joni Eareckson Tada discovered, there is no more effective cure for one's own ills than to share love and comfort with others (WGWH, p. 196-97). Ultimately, like Benjamin Weir, we can develop an eye that recognizes God's abounding blessings, even in the midst of suffering (WGWH, pp. 194-95). A heart full of unconditional thanksgiving fosters deep joy and allows us to find a supreme "sense of place" in the protective, healing sovereignty of God's love.
Key Concepts:
1. Because we are (spiritual, psychosomatic) beings, feelings can kill or cure as surely as poison or antibiotics. [See above]
2. A heart full of unconditional thanksgiving allows us to find a supreme "sense of place" in the healing sovereignty of God's ___________________. [See above]
3. "Pre-mortem dying" is in effect an advanced case of ________________________.[188]
4. The psychological aspect of illness that is most destructive to the sick is loss of _______________________. [189]
5. _____ True or False. "Health" is best defined as capacity for work. [190-91]
6. The will to live is a (theoretical abstraction, physiological reality). [191]
7. Essentially, health care workers are best understood as (healers, partners in recovery). [193]
Points to Ponder:
A. Consider Jurgen Moltmann's observations concerning the universality of handicaps (WGWH, p. 190). What types of handicaps are you now experiencing? What kinds of handicaps have you overcome in the past? How? How would you define true health?


B. Study Norman Cousins' list of obstacles and the solutions he implemented (WGWH, pp. 191-92). Do these strategies give you any new ideas about how to overcome the handicaps you presently face? How can you make the healing power of laughter and beauty a greater force in your life?


C. Overall, do you consider yourself a person who goes through life asking for love or giving love? Try to practice Benjamin Weir's attitude of discovering blessings for twenty-four hours (WGWH, pp. 194-95). Do you feel more empowered to give love to others as a result?


D. Joni Eareckson Tada demonstrates that ministry has great rehabilitative value (WGWH, p. 196). Does your church do a good job of utilizing people in this way? Consider those who are divorced, bereaved, or who suffer with chronic pain or illness in your church. In what way could they function as "wounded healers?"


Life Application: Even at the age of 92 Jimmy Gupton was not too old to learn that "the joy of living is giving." Jimmy's inspiring story reminds us that no member of the body of Christ is insignificant; "on the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable" (1 Cor. 12:22). Remember that God's strength is manifested through our weakness. Even if you are in pain yourself, seek to help others. God will use such willingness to bring blessings to others and peace to you.