Do You Help Your Children Too Much? Take the Quiz to Find Out!

One of the questions I am often asked is about how much to help our kids when they struggle. Can we do too much and make it too easy for them to rely on us and not solve their own issues?

The answer is YES! I am guilty of this myself at times. When this happens, I remind myself that I am not helping my kids cope if I fix their problems or excuse their behavior.

So, while our children have to be responsible for how they react to minor difficulties, we have to take some ownership regarding how we prepare them for such times. Otherwise, they will fold under mild stress.

Consider this possibility. Have you helped your teens too much?

Ask yourself these 5 questions:

1) When my teen is stuck, do I jump in and find the solution? Or do I watch them struggle and figure it out without my intervention?

2) When they fail, do I minimize the failure and try to make them feel better or do I allow them to sit with that failure and work through the feelings?

3) When they are upset, do I listen and encourage them to problem-solve or do I get angry at whatever happened to upset them and blame others?

4) When there is a problem, do I immediately defend their behavior, make excuses or do I allow them to feel the consequences?

5) Do I believe failure can build character and am comfortable watching them struggle for a time or do I feel compelled to rescue them?

Hopefully, you see that in our quest to be helpful and good problem-solvers, we may be denying our teens the development of these specific skills.

If you want to prepare your teen to cope better, consider pulling back from intervening, becoming a good listening ear and empowering them to work through their problems.