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Family Matters 08/25/16

Two Relationship Red Flags

Angry boyfriend

"Oh, he'll go to church when we get married."

"I know he has an anger problem, but he is calm with me."

"Her spending is out of control, but she is working on it."

"He doesn't know the Lord, but I'm hoping he will."

Do any of these statements strike you as a relationship red flag?

Relationship red flags are important to notice, especially at the beginning of a relationship. When you see them early, you can decide not to pursue that relationship and save yourself a lot of grief later. Or, if you are already in a committed relationship, you can identify the problem and get help.

One of the most glaring red flags is when a person tries to control you. The person wants to tell you who to see, how often you should see them, and then tries to guilt you into spending time with him or her rather than with others. And to top it off, the reason given is because they care and want you all to themselves. Run from this type of relationship if you can. Controlling people don't become less controlling when they become more intimate in their relationships. They usually escalate to more control.

Then, there is the red flag of faith incompatibility. You know the person isn't a Christian. You don't share the same worldview. Yet, you continue down the relationship path, hoping he or she will become a believer. This is a risk and scripture warns us about being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Think about how important faith is to everything you do. It shapes the way you respond to others, calls you into accountability for your actions, and influences what is important in life. A spiritual connection brings depth into a relationship not possible otherwise. It colors your values, beliefs, and actions. Without faith compatibility, your relationship will struggle.

For those already in that situation, continue to pray for the person. Model the life of a Christian in all you do. But if you haven't tied the knot, think twice about continuing that relationship no matter how much you love the person. Faith compatibility is what has gotten me through 40 years of marriage. When problems come, we have a common place to look for guidance and help. Faith matters. Faith promotes grace, but also calls you into accountability. It pushes you towards forgiveness while also looking at your own issues. Faith helps you examine your hearts, but also be wise in choosing the people with whom we associate.

So if you see a red flag flying in the wind, don't ignore it and don't justice the flag. Tend to it, examine it, and decide, do I really want to enter this relationship with this issue? If you are in a relationship, please point out the flag and get help!

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