Christian Living


Mommy and the Joyful Three

The Devil in Divorce

Divorce is common these days.  My kids often ask me why they do not have a stepmother or stepfather like their friends.

If your marriage is not working and it’s harming you or your children, seek wise counsel about the appropriate options for your family. 

We don’t marry someone believing we will end up enemies.  You don’t believe that the one person you felt you could invest your life in could be the one who would attempt to destroy it.

If your family is going through a separation or divorce, keep these things in mind:

1. Little ears hear everything.

Our words are so powerful.  A punch can’t match the damage words can do.  When you are angry and frustrated, endeavor to keep your words in check.

Saying slanderous statements about someone, even earshot of kids, can potentially be a detriment to your own health and spirit.  Words can come back and harm you in the future.  When you speak negatively about your spouse or ex, it reflects badly on you.  Before you speak, think.  Remember that the things we say influence and spread.

Do not disclose something that could possibly make you or your spouse look bad in regards to custody.  We sometimes forget that even during a divorce the family is a unit.  If your spouse is doing things that are not right, speak with a godly therapist who can direct your steps.  Don’t rely on the opinions of your biased friends.

2. Pray together.

This is not easy if your spouse is not a person who seeks God.  If they do not pray with you, pray for them.  When I speak to God about the people who are upsetting me, it ends up making me love them more.  It helps you to remember that we are all God’s children. And in that prayer time, God will show you how to forgive.

3. Remember the reason.

Divorce should be looked at as more of a disarming rather than a first shot against each other.  During and following the divorce, remember that anger leads to actions and vindictive behavior that’s unbeneficial to anyone.

I know a family that is an excellent example of this.  The ex not only embraces her son’s new stepmother, but has also befriended her.  Holidays are spent together; they help each other.  They understand that being angry is harmful to everyone, especially children.  This applies to in-laws and common friends as well. 

4. This is not a game.

Stress can break children down.  Remember what it feels like to be put in the middle of a battle.  Imagine your child is the only one saving the king on a chess board from checkmate.  This task and pressure that comes with it is difficult. 

Satan loves games.  He loves to see us at war with each other.  Do not allow him to run your situation.  Keep God in focus and at the center of all of your decisions.  Allow Him to guide you.

Have you had any of these struggles?  What is your advice?