Mommy and the Joyful Three 10/06/10
When my first daughter Sage was born something happened to me; I became fearful. I had a terrible time letting go.
My Uncle even said to me “Erin, You are going to have to let go and let God sometimes; we are not in control of our children; God is.” I ignored him.
When I was pregnant with our second daughter, my husband and I felt that God was telling us to move away from our home. We submitted to his will and put our house on the market and moved from our security to live over 1,200 miles away with my parents.
We couldn’t imagine the reason for the move; it wasn’t easy on any of us.
Myley was born four months later. I had an emergency Cesarean; the surgery was a difficult one. I was in such a state of panic that it was all a blur. They said Myley was having breathing troubles and I could see her in a few hours. They didn’t make it sound serious, so I sent my whole family home and waited to see her.
It wasn’t until 13 hours later that I saw her. She was hooked up to wires and machines, struggling to breathe. Anger, sadness, and fear became an unstoppable well inside of me.
I was not allowed to touch her, not even hold her hand.
The days were a mass of pain and confusion. During a surgery, she needed to be resuscitated. Countless emergencies arose daily.
Soon she needed to be transferred to a more equipped hospital less than five blocks away, and I was mad about it. I hated not being in control of my daughters, my life, and the choices being made for me.
I was at war with God. I felt that if I handed my daughter over to Him, then he could take her from me.
We both were transferred. I couldn’t ride with her. I had never once allowed Sage to ride in a car without me and yet Myley‘s first ride was in an ambulance with strangers. God was prying my fingers away one by one from the control I thought I had in my life.
After the move, we were told she may have a heart problem. In between sobs, I cried to my husband and mother, “You go I can’t take anymore!”
They left and I began to pray. I gritted my teeth and said “OK, God I need you to be in control now. I hand my daughter over to you to take care of. She’s in your hands, not mine.”
After I began the prayer something happened, a weight of worry began to lift. I felt a warm feeling on my face and a brightness shined through my closed eyes. It was as if I was at a beach and was laying in the sun. I was sure sunshine must have been pouring through the window. I opened my eyes to see it was gray outside. I touched my cheek and it felt cool. I knew then that God was the light, and the warmth I felt.
Soon after my husband and mother came to tell me that not only were the doctors’ mistaken about a heart problem, but that her breathing had improved. The peace of the Lord and the strength He gave me remained. After that, we did not receive one negative report.
Myley spent a month in the hospital. She went home completely free from her issues, healthy, and happy. Her smile has become my rainbow, God’s promise, and peace.
It turned out that the hospital she was transferred to had one of the only machines in the country that could have helped Myley. It amazed and humbled me that God had set this in motion even from the time we had moved. We had our answer for the purpose of our relocation.
God uses even the most trying of circumstances to teach us to loosen our grip on our lives. As parents, just as we expect our children’s trust to fall unto us, we need to fall unto God’s grace and let him lead us and show us what he has made way for in our lives.
Trusting God with Our Children
When my first daughter Sage was born something happened to me; I became fearful. I had a terrible time letting go.
My Uncle even said to me “Erin, You are going to have to let go and let God sometimes; we are not in control of our children; God is.” I ignored him.
When I was pregnant with our second daughter, my husband and I felt that God was telling us to move away from our home. We submitted to his will and put our house on the market and moved from our security to live over 1,200 miles away with my parents.
We couldn’t imagine the reason for the move; it wasn’t easy on any of us.
Myley was born four months later. I had an emergency Cesarean; the surgery was a difficult one. I was in such a state of panic that it was all a blur. They said Myley was having breathing troubles and I could see her in a few hours. They didn’t make it sound serious, so I sent my whole family home and waited to see her.
It wasn’t until 13 hours later that I saw her. She was hooked up to wires and machines, struggling to breathe. Anger, sadness, and fear became an unstoppable well inside of me.
I was not allowed to touch her, not even hold her hand.
The days were a mass of pain and confusion. During a surgery, she needed to be resuscitated. Countless emergencies arose daily.
Soon she needed to be transferred to a more equipped hospital less than five blocks away, and I was mad about it. I hated not being in control of my daughters, my life, and the choices being made for me.
I was at war with God. I felt that if I handed my daughter over to Him, then he could take her from me.
We both were transferred. I couldn’t ride with her. I had never once allowed Sage to ride in a car without me and yet Myley‘s first ride was in an ambulance with strangers. God was prying my fingers away one by one from the control I thought I had in my life.
After the move, we were told she may have a heart problem. In between sobs, I cried to my husband and mother, “You go I can’t take anymore!”
They left and I began to pray. I gritted my teeth and said “OK, God I need you to be in control now. I hand my daughter over to you to take care of. She’s in your hands, not mine.”
After I began the prayer something happened, a weight of worry began to lift. I felt a warm feeling on my face and a brightness shined through my closed eyes. It was as if I was at a beach and was laying in the sun. I was sure sunshine must have been pouring through the window. I opened my eyes to see it was gray outside. I touched my cheek and it felt cool. I knew then that God was the light, and the warmth I felt.
Soon after my husband and mother came to tell me that not only were the doctors’ mistaken about a heart problem, but that her breathing had improved. The peace of the Lord and the strength He gave me remained. After that, we did not receive one negative report.
Myley spent a month in the hospital. She went home completely free from her issues, healthy, and happy. Her smile has become my rainbow, God’s promise, and peace.
It turned out that the hospital she was transferred to had one of the only machines in the country that could have helped Myley. It amazed and humbled me that God had set this in motion even from the time we had moved. We had our answer for the purpose of our relocation.
God uses even the most trying of circumstances to teach us to loosen our grip on our lives. As parents, just as we expect our children’s trust to fall unto us, we need to fall unto God’s grace and let him lead us and show us what he has made way for in our lives.
About This Blogger
Erin James is a freelance writer, mother of three, and author of CBN.com's Mommy blog.