The Gift of Celibacy
From Lee
The final winner in our give-away contest is Renee. Thanks to everyone who participated. Julie and I really appreciate it. Renee, please send me an email (lee.warren@rocketmail.com) with your mailing address so I can send you a copy of my book, “Single Servings: 90 Devotions to Feed Your Soul.”
Renee asked: “How does one know if he or she has the gift of celibacy? I ask because I have no interest in marriage, cannot envision myself ever being married and the idea of living day in, day out with someone is rather frightening . . . I would have concluded I have the gift of celibacy were it not for the people who keep hounding me about marriage!”
The place to start is Matthew 19, in which Jesus is having a conversation with the Pharisees. They are testing Jesus about the topic of divorce and in that context they, rather facetiously, conclude that it might be better to never get married rather than having to deal with the possibility of a divorce, but Jesus corrects them and points out the following: “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
In her book “Getting Serious about Getting Married,” Debbie Maken does a fantastic job of explaining the three types of eunuchs Jesus referred to. I’ll paraphrase her:
1. Eunuchs who have been so since birth, referring to people who are born with some sort of physical issue that would prevent them from having children. God exempted them from marriage when he created them.
2. Eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, possibly referring to guards who were castrated by kings so as to protect their harem.
3. Eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Maken quotes Martin Luther regarding such eunuchs, saying that those who fall into this “categorically consist[s] of those spiritually rich and exalted persons, bridled by the grace of God . . . who [would rather] beget spiritual children. Such persons are rare, not one in a thousand, for they are a special miracle of God. No one should venture on such a life unless he be specifically called by God, like Jeremiah.”
I disagree with Maken’s application of this particular clause, in that she reserves this category for Mother Teresa and David Brainerd-types who spend their entire lives in the type of ministry that won’t accommodate a family. I don’t think we can read such specifics into this clause, but I do agree that it refers to singles who are called to do some type of kingdom work that requires them to be single—maybe for a season and maybe for life.
Setting that particular disagreement aside, I think a good argument could be made that Jesus was referring only to men in these verses, since by definition, only a man can be a eunuch, but clearly Jesus was speaking metaphorically here, at least to some degree, since eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom weren’t called to take physical actions against their bodies.
Keeping all of this in mind, we need to look at another set of verses: 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 says, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Paul wanted singles who burned with passion to marry because he knew that if they didn’t they would fall into sexual sin.
You might say that it is only natural to burn with desire, and that is true for most people. And for those who find this to be true, they ought to marry. Paul couldn’t be more clear about that. But for those who have no such struggle, they are probably the third type of eunuch—they have been set aside by God for the sake of the kingdom, and as such ought to pursue their calling.