Conquering the Picnic Blues

From: Lee

This coming weekend in America we’ll celebrate Independence Day on July 4. It’s a day of cookouts followed by an evening of fireworks. And like with most other major holidays, many singles will agonize about whether they should sit home by themselves to gobble a pizza and watch a movie or show up at a church or friend’s picnic without a date.

I understand the struggle. I’m introverted by nature and there comes a point in which you just don’t want to face another event alone. What if you get there and end up sitting alone? What if nobody approaches you to initiate a conversation? What single person who wants to be married can bear to watch couples interact all evening? Why go to all the trouble?

For many reasons.

First, it’s hard to love your neighbor as yourself if you aren’t even having conversations with your neighbor. Second, we can’t possibly find a spouse by sulking at home alone while everybody else is out socializing. Third, as one famous author I wish I was related to once said, “It’s not about you.” 

Years ago I worked for a large company and I didn’t know many people outside of my department. And since I was a low-level boss, I got the feeling that some of the employees under me didn’t like me very much.

My company had an annual picnic and I thought about skipping it one year. I showed up anyway, went through the food line, and sat down at a table by myself. Employees from other departments eventually sat down at the table with their spouse or date. We made small talk, but couple by couple they got up and moved on to other circles.

As the day turned to night, a DJ played music which signified that it was time to start the dance. Couples flooded the dance floor and got lost in each other. When recounting this story in my book, Single Servings, I said I never felt so incomplete. I should have added that I also never felt so alone. I was in a funk for several days afterward. But that funk prompted me to make some changes.

I made a concerted effort to be more friendly at future events by striking up conversations with acquaintances. I began asking good friends to attend events with me. And I decided to put on a more approachable continence.

Sometimes I regressed; other times I was surprised by how well I could fit it in if I just made a little effort. A friend of mine, who is a writer, approached me during this period in my life and said, “You know, at one point I never would have imagined you making it in the publishing world because you wouldn’t talk to anybody. But you’ve changed so much!”

I’m never going to be the life of the party, but as I reached out to others before waiting for them to reach out to me, I not only endured social events, I began to enjoy them.

Being a guy, I don’t really have any plans for July 4 yet, but I’ve received a couple of invitations to cookouts and fireworks and I’ll definitely accept one of them. Life is too short to sit inside by yourself when you could be enjoying the company of others.