Take the Date Night Challenge

For the past few weeks, several cities have been challenging their residents to take what is nationally known as the Date Night Challenge. The Date Night Challenge is a not-for-profit venture involving businesses, churches and individuals in a community who come together to encourage married couples to date. The goal is to use date night to strengthen marriages.

I love the idea because when couples were asked what would improve their marriages, 62 percent said they needed to spend more time together. Scheduling a date night does just that, allowing for time together away from the kids and the office. Years ago, marital researchers Gottman & Silver (1999) found that couples who spent five hours a week together maintained successful relationships. Imagine if two of those hours happened during a date night!

Now, I know most of you will go out for a Valentine’s celebration, but let’s consider keeping this idea alive past the “day of love”. Purpose to make date night a part of your schedule. It will help build marital friendship, a foundational part of a sound relationship.

Going on a date is the first step, but what you do on those dates is very important. Dinner and a movie can really get old. So consider these guidelines:

1) Ask your partner about his or her thoughts, feelings, dreams, likes, dislikes, etc.

Think Newlywed game; how well do we know each other? This helps you build a “love map” with your spouse. Love maps build marital friendship.

2) Tell your partner what you appreciate about him or her.

Expressing affection, fondness and admiration also contributes to marital friendship.

3) Turn towards your partner when he or she emotionally needs you.

Be there emotionally and listen to what he or she is saying and be understanding. This is another building block of marital friendship.

4) Do something novel in order to re-ignite romance.

Take a dance class, a walk on the beach, redo your very first date, picnic at the park, or cook together. Novelty gets the brain chemistry kicking in to romance gear.

5) Share intimate details for half an hour and stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.

When Dr. Arun studied people who fall in love, he had complete strangers do these two things. Many of the couples felt deeply attracted to each other after the experiment ended and two subjects later married!

OK, you know what to do. Get our there and enjoy dating your spouse. It may just be what you need to strengthen your marriage.

Dr. Linda Mintle is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of I Married You, Not Your Family. For more articles on couple and family relationships, visit her website, www.drlindahelps.com.